Much too Much
by Nightprophet
Summary: Elena and Damon are both university students. Through a casual meeting a friendship is formed, however Elena's feelings are stronger than she would like. An unrequited love leads to pain and suffering, until a while later the tables are turned. AU.AH.
1. Every Little Thing

**Every little thing**

 **I.**

It was the peak of winter. All had retreated to their cheaply furnished rooms in the university housing buildings. Elena was struggling through the tinted brown snow to reach the university café. It was afternoon and so the first street lamps were turned on, yet they held a dim shadow over them. The sky no longer beheld the pleasant and graceful gold of the day.

Within the absorbing cigarette smoke and the vile screeching of young men, Elena found a table where she could be on her own. Even though she much preferred her own company to that of people, she did not object to background noise. It made her feel as if she were a part of something, not merely isolated in her square room. There was an essay she had to write. A brief summary of the differences between two of the most notable authors of the 1920s. It was not a task for her, but a pleasure, even though she was still unsure of where her life was leading her.

A part of procrastination was smoking a cigarette, drinking her coffee and observing the crowd within the place that day. She knew some of them, because they were from her building, yet she had never spoken to them. Others were strangers, which for all she knew, could even have been from a different university. She put in her earphones and took the notebook closer to her body – determined, yet tired, inspired, yet lacking words.

"Do you like the Doors?" A voice reached her, through her train of thought. Elena looked around her – there was no indication, that she would admire the band, even though she did. The man however was speaking distinctly to her. He was well dressed in fitted trousers and a collared shirt. His hair was short, deeply brown and slightly slicked back. It complimented his watery blue eyes. Elena recognized him from her building and remembered he had once greeted her, even though she did not even know his name.

"I do, yes, but how did you,"

"I'm intuitive," He smiled warmly, without a hint of falsity and sat down in the chair beside hers, "I'm also Damon,"

"Elena," There was a silence in which the pair exchanged an embarrassed smile and Elena drunk a sip of her dark, caffeine beverage, "Have you seen the film about Jim Morrison though?"

"No, I haven't,"

"It's slightly crazy. But any film depicting that particular moment in time would have to be slightly crazy to show the true nature of the groovy lifestyle,"

Damon lit a cigarette and the hint of a smile once again crossed his lips.

"You've given me something to watch then,"

Her heart remained at a steady beat. It was an unusual encounter and even though he seemed attractive to her, he seemed to possess no great intelligence or nothing too remarkable in general.

"Well, once you do, then get back to me," Was all she said and smiled, wishing to resume her essay and not to prolong this awkward meeting of two unknown souls.

"I will," Damon stood up, "Bye for now, Lainey,"

He left his cigarette hovering in the ashtray, barely smoked.

 **II.**

The kitchen was nearly empty. Only Caroline sat on the worn deck chair and read a Nabokov novel. A snowstorm was still raging outside and so Elena closed the window and put the kettle on to boil. Her cup was plain and black, without any markings, because she despised the unrefined nature of anything too graphic. Three teaspoons of coffee was enough for this time of day. Once she held the warm cup in her hands and was about to return to her room, a familiar face appeared in the doorway.

"Oh, hello," Damon smiled warm-heartedly and came toward the startled Elena and embraced her gently, being considerate of the coffee in her hand, "I must have wandered onto the wrong floor by mistake,"

"You must have,"

"I watched the film you recommended,"

She was shocked, bewildered and confused. Elena had a fond habit of suggesting books, films and bands to those around her, yet no one ever seemed to follow her advice and time and time again her suggestions were left unnoticed, but Damon, as primitive as he seemed to her at first, had actually taken the time to watch the film.

"It took me while to understand which one you meant, but I assume it was "The Doors"?"

"Mmhm,"

"It was amazing. I hadn't seen a film quite like it in a while. Dark, but at the same time the music inspired something pleasant,"

"I especially enjoy the depressing nature of the film. I assume that this aspect makes it all the more real, because Morrison's fall to insanity and drug addiction is nothing too cheerful,"

"That's true," His eyes overlooked her being, with a ravenous look, "I was actually going to make coffee myself, before I found myself in the wrong room. Would you like to accompany me, so we could continue the discussion?"

Elena felt for the first time that her cheeks were turning slightly scarlet and that something made her think of him in higher regard.

"Yes,"

And with his proposal and her permission they went upstairs to a kitchen, which looked just like hers and as Damon made coffee, they soon departed from the subject of the Doors and came to such bands as Pink Floyd and Jimi Hendrix, The Who and The Beatles, even though Damon preferred the former and Elena the latter, she still found their interests and tastes to be the same and that truly comforted her.

Elena was four months away from becoming twenty years old. Her appearance can be described neither as disastrous nor exceptionally beautiful, yet she was by no means plain. Her hair was of a calm coffee colour, her eyes raisin black and her figure was that of an average young girl. Elena's true possessions were her knowledge of history, literature and music, as well as that of film. She was not at all satisfied with the present reality, so she lived in a world of her own, where she lived amongst tunes from the 60s, wine and fantasies of something that would most certainly never happen.

At the moment Elena found herself at university studying journalism and creative writing, though she did not know whether she could ever become a journalist or writer herself. A life full of uncertainty carried her further, yet it also killed her peace of mind.

Damon sat down on the sofa and beckoned her to sit next to him. They delved into their pasts. Damon was from Sweden, a place Elena had been to, but knew little about, only in terms of historical events. Elena described her childhood in the post-Soviet Russia and her mysterious yearning for Moscow, even though she had not lived there for many years, having spent time in France.

"When did you start smoking?"

"Oh, years ago," Damon said looking down at his cigarette, as he stood by the open window. Soft flakes chilled his skin. "What would life be without coffee and cigarettes?"

"Torture,"

"There you are right, Lainey,"

"Sometimes I wake up early on purpose and go for a walk in the nearby park before my lectures. Coffee in hand and with a cigarette, the morning seems so peaceful and it makes it easier to breathe again,"

"I do the same. We both have the healthiest addictions don't we?"

"Can addictions ever be healthy, I wonder?"

Damon smirked.

"I'd better go back to my room. I still have an entire book to read in one night, so time is of the essence,"

"Would you consider giving me your number? Just in case I ever need other suggestions from you of what to watch or listen to,"

Elena took the nearby pen and scribbled her number on a piece of paper.

"It was a pleasure to talk to you again, Lainey,"

Elena left without saying anything, because she didn't feel like she could. The words were stuck in her throat and she felt that her heart was about to burst and it was unclear to her whether it would be from the caffeine or from the encounter.

All night Elena could not read even a single page. She turned them unconsciously, but all her thoughts were focused on Damon. She wondered whether his approach at the café had been spontaneous or whether he had noticed her before, perhaps when he greeted her in the hallway. She questioned whether his mistake of coming into her kitchen, had actually been a mistake. There was something she intuitively disliked about the situation, but she felt she was helpless, due to the fact that her heart had already made an attachment to Damon, even if only for their wondrous similarities in interests.

 **III.**

Drenched in grey snowflakes, Elena entered her room. Her window was partly open and so permitted entry for the blizzard. She shut it tightly, giving the outside scenery a dismissive look and then turned on the little night lamp by her bed. It had not been a pleasant day. Due to her lack of sleep during the night, she looked terrible, felt even more so and had heard nothing that was said in any of her lectures because she had been snoozing in all of them. Taking off all her wet clothes, Elena changed them for her large, cotton jumper and pyjama bottoms and climbed underneath the blanket.

Once she felt calmer again and found herself with nothing to do but observe her own room, she noticed that there was a message on her answering machine.

It was from Damon. It was a simple question, but asked in his cheeky voice, so once again Elena began to feel warmth rush to her cheeks.

"Would you rather live in the 60s or 70s?"

Elena did not even have to consider it. He had left a number. She immediately dialled him back.

"60s. And in 1969 I would be at Woodstock, grooving to the music and feeling free as a bird amongst all the hippies,"

"Good answer. I can say the same. Imagine all the great bands you could see live in the 60s, it would be incredible,"

Their conversation went on for several hours and in that time they moved on from the subject of music to their love of alcohol – whatever type it may be. Beer, wine, absinthe. Everything had its place in a certain moment in time. Elena felt that she was no longer alone in her bohemian lifestyle. When it was well past midnight and she finally put down the phone, Elena sensed a loneliness, which overtook her. He called her Lainey. Only family members had referred to her as that, but she didn't mind him saying it.

The room was now silent. With unsure steps she went to her desk, sat down on the chair, crossing her legs, placed a blank sheet of paper in front of her, took her black, ink pen and slowly, as if learning how to write, expressed her thoughts on the untouched paper. The sudden inspiration to write in the dead of night could only be seen as a positive turn of events and Elena had no doubt of the reason behind it.

 **IV.**

The telephone rang every night around seven. The enthusiasm with which Elena answered made her feel embarrassed, yet he never seemed to notice. They discussed everything, from the minuscule details of their everyday life to vivid memories and cultural pleasures. This went on for three weeks. In between that time Elena also called him a few times. But very few, given that she did not want to appear too infatuated and also because Damon did not seem to mind being the one to make the call.

However over the course of these weeks, Elena had become dependent on these conversations. She could think of nothing else, but the evening when they would finally speak again. She could not help but dream of them actually meeting. So it was most bizarre that since the accidental encounter in the community room, they had not met, or rather talked in real life, even though they lived in the same building and she had passed him several times while walking through the university grounds.

It seemed incomprehensible to Elena, that two people, who were in such close proximity to one another would be incapable of speaking in public. It made her feel irritated and confused, but she never dared to show these emotions to Damon, and so their drawn-out conversations seemed entertaining and enjoyable, despite the underlying tension.

One not so very special day however, the call was different.

"I love bars and pubs which have an original atmosphere. The university café is great, but it lacks something unique,"

"I know what you mean. Though I have not really explored the town so much. I usually stick to that place,"

"There is a great bar in town, which has an interior entirely covered in magazine and newspaper clippings. Good music as well. Whenever I've been there all I've heard was 60s and 70s rock. The place is called Flash," Elena spoke passionately.

"Perhaps I should go there. Would you like to show me the place one day?"

After a brief pause, Elena agreed immediately and cheerfully. They arranged to meet that same week. Finally a meeting was arranged and it lifted a weight off her heart, because she truly did wish more than anything to spend time with Damon and understand his character better.

So came the Wednesday of the encounter. The sky was tangerine orange as the last rays of the sun slowly disappeared in the afternoon. The sting of winter was ever so present and as Elena waited in the city square for Damon to arrive her hands froze and her warm breath could be seen in the icy air.

He approached her with a profound smile and with what appeared to be the same cheerfulness which Elena felt in her own heart.

"Hi, sorry I'm late. Last lecture took longer than expected,"

"It's fine," Elena said as he embraced her and she could feel the thick fabric of his wool coat and the warmth which his body radiated from underneath. She felt herself blush even before he let her go, but she reminded herself that since it was winter, the blushing might be attributed to the cold wind. Damon himself had prominent cheekbones, which held a rosy tint due to the winter's touch.

"You lead the way,"

The pair quickly found the place, as large, red, bold letters spelled out _FLASH_ just above the door and reminded one of Queen songs as well as the 80s film. Upon entering both were glad that the bar provided warmth. They sat down at a table, opposite each other. Next to them was a wall with advertisements from the 1940s as well as magazine clippings praising individual rock musicians. The pair quickly ordered their drinks; whiskey and beer. Elena needed the encouragement and the familiarity of the strong beverage. Once she took off her winter garments, her figure was left in nothing but a chiffon blouse and a floral blazer. It contrasted with the approaching darkness outside and not only that, but also the light snow piles just outside the window, by which they were sitting.

Even though at first only embarrassed smiles were exchanged between the two, they soon delved deep into the conversations which they delighted in each and every night and the meeting could be considered a success, because neither of them lacked interest in the thoughts of the other. What remained unclear to Elena was still the level of Damon's interest. When they were already at their apartment building several hours later, Damon once again embraced her warm-heartedly, but then they parted and it seemed as if two good friends had said goodbye. Elena however decided not to think too much of it and rather rejoiced in the notion that the evening had been so lovely.

Despite the fact that they had just parted, when Elena had undressed in her room and was already underneath the covers with a cup of tea, trying to suppress the dizziness of two whiskey glasses, Damon called again. Their conversation lasted well into the night.


	2. Where is My Mind

_**Where is My Mind**_

 **I.**

The halls of the apartment building were quiet. In the kitchen only the slow drip of melting icicles by the window could be heard. Elena was preparing dinner for herself and the only other person who had remained at the university during the Easter holidays. The mashed potatoes were done and the chicken wings were slowly turning golden brown in the oven. The place seemed cosy and Elena did not even feel nostalgic for her home, but her mind was pre-occupied with other more melancholic thoughts.

Since the meeting they had not encountered each other. Damon had made no effort to invite her anywhere again, and this left Elena's mind in tatters, because she was confused by the situation entirely. Granted the pair still had their conversations, so in that aspect nothing had changed, but nevertheless even though the next step had been taken once, it did not appear as though it would happen again. Especially since Damon had left for Sweden during the holidays. He had called her a few times from Sweden, but less than before and their talks had not lasted for quite so long or been so stimulating. It had rather been an exchange of what had happened during their day or what their plans were for the next day.

Time passed. The holidays ended. They talked. Elena yearned for something more. And as the days ended one after the other, Elena began to feel the despair of knowing that the year was close to being over and that she would leave for France, Damon would leave for Sweden and they would not see each other for months, though it was not much different even at this particular moment. Now there were times, when they did not even talk for several days. It seemed as if what had happened naturally at first, in terms of friendship, was now quickly deteriorating, even though Elena desperately wanted to maintain it. Damon, however, seemed to lack the motivation.

 **...**

After a long silence in their relations, came a night when fate finally placed them together in the same surroundings.

As is tradition students all enjoyed going out on Friday nights. So Elena met her friends and while sharing a bottle of vodka chased with tomato juice, they talked for a while and then left the kitchen for the town. Laughing and singing Queen songs, they arrived at the university bar, where anyone who went out on Friday nights gathered. Elena saw familiar creatures and even started talking to someone who she had seen in her lectures.

"Isn't the evening wonderful? Finally spring can be felt in the air. How do you feel tonight?"

"Great," he answered, amused at Elena's tipsiness. His name was apparently Enzo and he was Swedish. Their conversation was rather meaningless and Elena, even in her drunken state, was bemused with his lack of intelligence.

Then suddenly Enzo leaned in and said;

"You know, I think my friend really likes you,"

Elena turned and saw Damon coming towards them. He spoke Swedish to Enzo and then embraced Elena.

"Hello," Her heart was beating, as if injected with caffeine, "How are you?"

"I'm splendid. Just slightly drunk,"

"That's the best state, isn't it Lainey?" Damon smiled and put his arm around her, "We should get something more to drink,"

After another whiskey glass, Elena felt rather lost amongst her tipsy fantasies. She knew that Damon was not quite free from the influence of alcohol as well, but he was nowhere near her in terms of incapability to think. However she was enjoying herself and she was excited beyond words, because Damon was by her side. They talked, though she later had no recollection of the precise conversation. They sat on a bench and smoked, delighting in the coal black sky and the pleasantly warm weather of the night. Elena could not help herself and in her tipsiness amused him by singing 1980s songs and The Beatles, but Damon was not quite so carefree to join her. Overall the evening would have been a success, if it had resulted in something.

 **II.**

The next day, Elena awoke with a splitting headache, but not only that. Her mind was elevated by ecstatic thoughts of her and Damon actually having broken their inability to talk in reality in front of familiar people. She went to make herself a coffee and poured out some cereal with milk. Upon returning to her room, her main question was whether she should call him or if he would call her. Being the stubborn creature that she is, Elena decided to refrain from calling him. Yet she didn't receive a call either.

The next stage beyond Elena's confusion was something similar to panic. The girl could not comprehend what had happened. Since she had met Damon her mood had changed by the minute and even after this she could not truly accept the fact that the evening had seemed so blissful and nothing had come of it. She tried to rationalize the situation by telling herself that there must be a reason for him not calling and he is most likely busy with one thing or another, but her heart felt as if it was split open and someone was slowly pouring acid onto the already fragile organ.

 **III.**

Time passed again before Damon called. Elena could not help but once again speak to him as before – cheerfully, contently, happily, but she was truly distraught underneath it all. Something about their relations was not quite clear and acceptable, but her fear of losing him entirely prevented her from speaking honestly to him of her worries. Every day Elena tried to logically understand the situation, but she was never able to. No matter how much she wrote her thoughts down on the blank pages. She felt lost during her lectures, because they no longer seemed to matter to her. Being naturally smart Elena knew the subject, but she knew that if her mind would not be filled with other matters, she could be a much better student. And that went on for a while. Elena existed calmly, yearning for something more, but already beginning to accept that she would not attain it. Her life seemed still and empty, but at the same time she still felt good about herself and knew she would finish this year, go to France and forget the unpleasantness of her relationship with Damon.

It was too much to hope for however, because what she didn't know was that there was still a steep and long descent to a darker state of mind.

 **IV.**

The academic year was close to ending. Summer could be felt in the air – people spent evenings outside in parks, everyone seemed upbeat and the dreariness of winter had disappeared from the city streets.

Elena spent her days studying for exams at cafés, drinking copious amounts of coffee to stay awake, reading too many books in a short amount of time and promenading the streets just before dusk, when the summer breeze was at its most pleasant. She had been to concerts with friends, found an apartment for the following year, already passed one exam and overall felt that life was improving. All she still desired was to leave the university for the summer and go back to her artistic France.

The university organized an event. The event would be held in a park and all the students were cordially invited to an evening of drinking and celebrating their first year of absorbing knowledge and living as independent adults. The park was spacious, with evergreen trees, hills and slopes and resembled more a forest than a park. Elena knew the park well, having spent many mornings strolling through it. That night she met her friends and with alcohol in hand, to brighten the mood, headed to the gathering. It was an obvious success as people were communicating openly, music was heard from an open-air stage and everyone seemed truly beaming.

After a few drinks the socialising could begin. Elena talked to many people with whom she had never spoken to before. That is what she loved about alcohol – it opened the mind and permitted a more effervescent approach to life and other people. She floated through the crowd until she came face to face with the one person she was dreading to meet. Damon stood before her, clearly intoxicated, but still smiling. He embraced her for uncomfortably long and even though Elena had promised herself that she would no longer feel so attached to him, the moment she sensed his arms around her, she could not help but smile, and dig her hands deep into his back, to pull him close.

"Lainey! We've not seen each other for so long!"

"I know," She laughed. Now it was just a matter of understanding that they would probably just talk again and nothing would become of it.

He put his arm around her and they walked through the crowds. They talked, but again the conversations must have been so meaningless, that Elena did not remember a single thing, except the fact that Damon dismissed the idea that Tina Turner's 'The Best' was a good song. When the pair could no longer walk, due to an understandable tiredness, Damon sat on a bench. It was the only object around and when he pointed to his lap, Elena did not mind and sat down upon him, because she did not have the strength to look for a different place.

"All I know is that Tina Turner cannot be considered a great singer,"

"Just don't say anything, if you don't have anything nice to say," Elena said and punched him lightly.

Damon responded by pulling her close and kissing her deeply.

The zealousness, with which she pulled him to her, stripped her bare and revealed all she felt for him. It was an unexpected happening of the inevitable. And neither of them complained. Damon soon took hold of her waist and his icy hands slid under her shirt, caressing her breasts and opening her brassiere. A situation such as this had crossed her mind before, but only in terms of day-dreams, but now as she felt his touch and how he kissed her neck, biting the skin lightly, it all seemed wonderfully real.

He laid her down on the bench and kept caressing her lightly shivering body. Elena's hands held him close to her, feeling the arch of his back. Damon pulled up her skirt and just when Elena thought that Damon would take her, he moved back slightly.

"I'm sorry. I can't. Too much alcohol, "

Elena was speechless for a brief moment.

"No, that's all right. It can happen," Just then she realised her own mind was far from clear, as her head was spinning and she could not understand how they had come to that particular place.

Damon did not let go, however, and wished he could pleasure her in some way, yet Elena no longer enjoyed the moment. He kissed her neck and lips lustfully and even though there was still a spark to be felt, so much so that they even fell off the rather unforgiving bench at one moment, the intensity was lost.

The pair soon left the bench and began walking again and between dialogues about stars and lampposts, Elena somehow left the event and found herself at home and in her own bed.

 **V.**

The following day was a nightmare. An uncertainty pressed upon Elena's heart. She already knew that most likely she would not receive any news from him, yet her hope was not lost. Her eyes were fixed on the phone and all else seemed dead and insignificant that day. She could not even leave her room to walk the small distance to the kitchen to prepare breakfast or drink her much needed coffee. The despair had again set in. Finally when the air turned colder and night set in, after a glass of wine Elena called him herself.

"Hello?"

"Hi! How's the hangover today?"

"Just bearable. I've practically slept all day," It seemed like a relief to Elena, who once again rationalized his lack of communication with the fact that he had been asleep, "How has your day been so far?"

"The same as yours actually,"

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night,"

"You don't have to be sorry. I understand. That can happen," Elena said with perfect sincerity, "I'm sorry about my singing. Again,"

"Haha, that's quite all right," Damon laughed warmly. She could see his smile through the telephone, "It was lovely actually. The perfect touch to a good evening. My most vivid memory is how we fell off a bench,"

"I distinctly remember that too. And I have the bruises to remind me of it,"

"I'm very sorry about that,"

Elena shook her head in disbelief of what she was about to ask him, for it was against all her trusted principles.

"It wasn't entirely your fault," A deep, shaking breath, "Would you like to come downstairs for coffee so that we can suffer through the hangover together?"

"I'd love to, but I feel indescribably tired. I think I'll go to sleep again in a little while,"

"Oh, well never mind then,"

They talked for a little while and then said goodbye to one another. Elena was satisfied. Even though she felt a sting of rejection, she did not let it affect her, for she once again rationalised all Damon had said. Now she felt as if all was well again. She even allowed herself to think that there might be a slight possibility of them being together, now that they had embarked on barely intimate relations.

This false assumption would soon be dismissed however, after a week had passed with no news from her beloved Damon.

 **VI.**

A week and a half was torture. Elena did not leave her room for socialising or for anything else that might be considered pleasant. She spent her days sleeping by the phone, desperately hoping a call would come. When she was awake, and that was not entirely often, she drank a glass or two of whiskey to calm the rave of her thoughts, while she listened to Pink Floyd's slow and melancholic tunes. Her existence had now truly become entirely dependent on Damon and other than that she could find nothing which made her feel good.

Every day Elena felt pure anger. Time passed with her being endlessly conflicted with herself, fighting the fantasies that crept into her mind with the white rage she felt towards Damon. Constant affirmations that she doesn't even sense attraction towards him or that he is not worth all the pain followed one another, but at no point did she actually believe them. The sole pleasures left in her life were sleep and alcohol, but beyond that she needed, nor desired anything else.

Elena spent one evening repeatedly listening to 'The Show Must Go On' and as she felt tears fog her eyes, she sensed pity for herself that she had allowed her mind to drown in the depths that it had. The show must go on. But how could it, when she had all but lost her sanity?

The window stood wide open and the frame swayed gently in the breeze. Elena blew the smoke out in a quintessential stream, sipping her third glass of the blood red wine and leaving Queen in the background. It seemed as if all she had was time. Time for pondering. Time for the thoughts she desired to avoid, yet they were the only element which perturbed her waking life. Elena had lost her urge to communicate with others, so her friends saw her rarely, her acquaintances even rarer. And there had still not been a call.


	3. The Song Remains the Same

_**The song remains the same**_

 **I.**

An evening came when Elena's friends ultimately decided to remove her from her isolated surroundings. They took her to a park, gave her a bottle of wine and let her pour her heart out. And oh how it bled. Everything which she had kept concealed within herself was revealed and finally all her friends could partake in despising Damon and his infantile nature.

The evening eventually led them to a bar. Elena felt tipsy and sad. There had been momentary consolation for her, but it soon ended. Nothing could inspire even a grain of happiness in her. The bar provided an outside garden, where people chattered over loud mainstream music. Elena let her friends take to the dance floor while she breathed in the limited fresh air of said garden. Her hands trembled as she lit her cigarette. Social situations were not her favourite. It was close to a phobia of thinking that people stared at her and judged her. As she sat on the long wooden seat outside, one of the doors to the garden opened and out came Damon.

She could not escape him.

Elena's gaze shifted towards him, as she shot bolts of hate towards the pitiful man, who she still admired dearly and who was clearly not affected in any way, by the fact that they had not talked in a while. Their eyes met. And that was the most of it.

At no point did he attempt to approach her. The situation made Elena feel pitiful and worthless, as she sat alone smoking, on the verge of tears, meanwhile Damon embraced all of his friends and could not have looked more pleased with the evening.

There comes a time when every clouded and obscured mind finally sees the truth which has been in front of them the entire time. There is no such entity as absolute truth, because there can be many distinct interpretations of anything in this world and beyond it, and Elena finally realized that hers differed from Damon's.

Her legs shook as she gathered herself in a graceful manner and moved through the prominent crowd to enter the club itself and retrieve her sole consolation – a glass of scotch on the rocks. Due to the tears which created a haze over her eyes, she nearly stepped on her flowing, long cherry red skirt. The misery which penetrated her entire fragile state by the second was murdering her and there was nothing one could do to fight back.

Once her lips touched the icy rim of the whiskey glass Elena thought she would be able to survive. The already tipsy girl went back outside and once again found her hiding place, where concealed by her peers she could quietly smoke and wait for her friends. Now she noticed that close by was a bench, where sat a mellow yet melancholic Enzo. His eyes downcast, he seemed to be lost to the loud world, which was quite unlike him. Elena, being fearless and looking for a soul to talk to, went and sat down by him.

"Hello. How's life treating you?"

"Well. And you?"

"You won't elaborate, will you?" Elena's eyes smiled at the pathetic creature, "I'm splendid. An evening of drinking always provides an element of cheerfulness to a person's life,"

"Is that so? I should drink more then. Truthfully, I'm not happy,"

"You don't say. Your gloominess is obvious. Is everything all right?"

"My girlfriend recently left me. And she's here today. And I just feel miserable. How are you and Damon doing?"

"He's not the person I thought he was,"

"Oh really? Sounds intriguing. Tell me more," Enzo turned to her, obviously interested and seemingly having forgotten his own pain.

"We had something and he's given no sign of being interested since,"

"You can't wait for every man to give you a sign. He's here today, you know,"

"I know," Elena smiled falsely.

"Hmm. Me, I just think that I'll never forget her, you know. I still love her,"

"We're both rather in a similar situation aren't we?"

"Do you think that I'm a good person?"

"I think you're a sensible person. I dislike the word 'good',"

"Would you kiss me?"

"Why?"

"To prove that I am worthy of someone," Enzo smiled at her and placed his hand inconspicuously on her inner thigh. He leaned into her and whispered; "You can always make Damon jealous,"

Elena pulled back from him and looked into his rich and intense brown eyes. She placed her hand on his cheek and leaned in to place a light kiss on his lips. It did not seem to matter that he was Damon's best friend, that he loved another girl and that she had thought it impossible to be even remotely attracted to anyone but Damon. They seized the opportunity; Elena through her anger and under the influence of alcohol had found what she thought was a manner of making Damon notice her, even if it was through jealousy, and Enzo, as it would later be revealed, saw the misery trapped within this girl and used her vulnerability and his manipulative attributes to have an entertaining evening.

At no point in her life had Elena felt as angry as she did then. Angry at Damon, but mostly at herself, though through the mist of alcohol and cigarettes she did not yet realize it.

The pair, led by Enzo, since Elena could no longer think logically, soon left to go the park and there amongst the evergreen darkness and fading street lights they continued to kiss and even through her intoxication there was a moment of clarity in which Elena realized what she had done, by choosing his best friend as the element of jealousy. Then she lost the thought again and returned to the pleasant reality in which, Enzo kissed her neck and her wine-stained lips, gripping her hair and holding the small of her back, as she sat in his lap, the both of them upon a worn away park bench. Elena never really did remember how they went back and how she found her friends, but she finally went home and fell into her bed, not yet fully grasping what had happened.

 **II.**

The next morning and the following days were an agonizing torment of guilt and fear. Elena no longer ate, for she did not see food as a necessity and all she could do was walk around her room, still waiting for a call, she now knew would never come, and trying to calm her nerves which were petrifying her with the possibility that she might have lost Damon for good. Her hands trembled and shook with whatever she did, but mostly the scene was the following – Elena stood by the open window and smoked cigarette after cigarette, desiring to think of anything else but Damon and her own actions, but not accomplishing it by any means.

Two days after that tragic evening, Elena knew there would be a university barbecue, which was essentially the last social event before the exams and an excuse to eat, drink and meet people altogether. Elena had promised her friends she would go, so she felt she no longer had a choice, but to keep her promise and face her embarrassment as well as she could. Elena dressed in black, took her cigarettes and left for the shop, where she bought a bottle of William Peel whiskey, because it was cheap and it would serve its purpose. She had not been outside in a while, so the entire world seemed bright and unnatural to her. It pained her deeply to know that, try as she might, she could not be happy. When she met her friends, however, a smile graced her lips, for she would not share her true state of mind with anyone.

The event was the usual crude and tastelessly indecent gathering of people, who cared for nothing else other than cheap alcohol and the promise of a night of adventures of an intimate nature. The location inspired Elena, however, for it was a plain field, encircled by a sea of emerald pines. The sun was on the point of setting and illuminated the cheap beer, to create a wave of gold. Elena walked around and exchanged a few words with people from her lectures, yet she did not yearn for the company of anyone who had gathered there that day.

And just at that moment Bonnie, who Elena knew to be on good terms with Damon, approached, with him by her side.

"You two know each other, do you not?" The girl uttered as she saw that Damon would go to Elena. The friend had seen the opportunity for Elena to find her consolation with him then and there.

"Hi!" Damon said with the brightest of smiles and embraced her ever so tightly, giving her a profound kiss on the cheek.

Elena glared at him. The rage built up in her and she could feel her stomach turn with the realization that Damon was not only hopelessly drunk, but also unaware that he had treated her wrongly. Then again the guilt of her own actions did not her permit her to reproach him quite yet.

"Hi, Damon. How are you?"

"Amazing!" He said as he spilled his beer in the air.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure," Damon put his arm around her and they walked off slightly, to not be in the way of others.

Elena felt courage within her heart, so she began speaking cautiously; "So, how have you been?"

"Drunk mostly. I have a driving lesson tomorrow, so have to be sober for that, I suppose,"

"You realize we haven't talked in weeks, don't you?"

"I do. But you see the point is," Damon paused, "The point is that I didn't see any future for us, with the term ending soon and all,"

Elena felt her heart shatter into small crumbs.

"You did not think to tell me that?"

"You're beautiful," Damon said and leaned in to kiss her. Despite her wish, Elena held on tightly to him and her hands gripped his jacket as she enjoyed what was left of her feelings and surrendered what was left of her dignity. He then stopped and still held his arm around her, holding her close, while within Elena's eyes there rose a mist.

"It just seems silly that we have wasted all this time,"

"I know, I know," Damon spoke absent-mindedly, "But just know that you're truly amazing,"

Damon pulled her close to kiss her again, but this time Elena refrained.

"No, no, no," She said as she pushed him away.

"Don't be upset, Elena,"

"I'm not," Elena spoke, looking into the distance, as he gave her another kiss on her cheek.

"So we're all right?"

"We're all right," She said and left without looking back.

That had not been the solace she had wanted. There was still no answer, no conclusion. Elena sat down in the dewy grass by her friends and opened her whiskey bottle. She drank slowly and let the burning liquid warm the remains of her self-respect. What remained in her mind were questions. But she would not permit herself to think of them now, for she knew she would not be able to keep up the façade.

Night came and she soon left for her house, but she made the mistake of listening to The Beatles ' _We Can Work It Out_ ' once she returned and opened her window to smoke yet another cigarette. The glass of Bordeaux close at hand, she listened to the melody and let tears trickle down her brightly coloured cheeks.

The illusion of Damon as a kind person had been destroyed, yet the layer of feelings remained. Elena placed her head in her hands and cried and sobbed, knowing that once again she had found the wrong person to entrust her heart to. The entire story now seemed one-sided and entirely imagined by her, yet she knew that there must have been something, otherwise she would have never surrendered to him. And then Elena felt the terror when she assumed that she might have gone mad.

 **III.**

The town of Metz in France booms with tourists and people who are fond of the vibrant, lemon sunshine. The streets chirp with crowds, the cafés offer their best for the greedy mouths. But the view turns to a small room, in a rather raffish house on an unpretentious street.

The room seems empty. The bed covered in rumpled sheets of a greyish colour. Upon the pearly white, wooden table stands an ash tray filled to the rim with cigarette stubs, a half empty bottle of ruby red wine and a pile of papers all with different epiphanies upon them, each and every one signed with a date. The dates count the days since the end of the academic year until the moment we have come to. Elena's eyes overlook the narrow, radiant street outside as she draws the curtains.

The weeks had passed one after the other and Elena continued her deterioration both mentally and physically. Left alone in the minuscule apartment in Metz the days seemed to meld together and life seemed to become irrelevant. She disappeared without him. Whatever livelihood she had felt in the past months was now but a mere memory, which she used to make herself sad. There were many days when she awoke with a profound smile and convinced herself that it was all behind her, but it was never true and it saddened her all the more. Her days were spent in the apartment, but whenever she would go out, people would stare at her shamelessly for it was an exhibition of the dead.

The most appalling change was not her rotten heart, but rather her posture. She no longer looked worthy of the living. Her eyes now seemed permanently bloodshot from profound crying, her body was shrunken and pale, which only accentuated the blue veins that curved across her frail hands, which, pallid and weak, only desired to hold another cigarette or to swirl the fond and familiar alcohol glass. There were small, barely noticeable lines of a dark violet colour upon her lips, which were there as a result of consuming a bottle or two of wine every day - it excellently calmed the inner demons.

Sleeping used to be her leisure, but now Elena lay in bed, half-asleep, floating in a dome of fantasies, but she might just as well have been dead, for this hopelessness was tantamount to death itself. Most of all she desired desperately, gut-wrenchingly to change certain parts of the past. If not that, she endlessly plotted her revenge, which she knew was an entirely futile task, because it had all been her vivid imagination, which was to blame for her immediate torture. No one but her was guilty and Elena cursed her imagination every time she found her mind within the realm of memories.

* * *

 _ **Note:** The following chapter will take place a few years after this has happened. _


	4. Don't Believe a Word

_**Don't believe a word**_

 **I.**

"Elena, come to bed. You'll finish the article in the morning,"

Elena looked out of the window in front of her at the sunshine tinted sky. It was summertime, the air cooling her dewy brow and lifting locks of hair off her shoulders. Elijah was oblivious to that as he lay in bed and drifted between reality and dreams only to reprimand her that she should not be working so late. She could not sleep in any case. Even before they had decided to go to bed, Elena had known that it would be one of those nights. A night when all she wanted was to drink wine, listen to sad songs and write. Thinking back rather nostalgically she realised that some time ago, years even, on these lonely nights she had tried to write something tainted with anger, regret and revenge, but now she could no longer bring herself to form those words. The passion which she had was driven out of her by time, so that now she sat and wrote an article which was not yet due for two weeks.

Throwing off her sapphire robe she climbed into bed beside Elijah and put her arms around him. At times it was nice to feel that someone was by her side, even though she did not love him and sometimes even despised him during the day. She despised him because he loved her madly, but she could not understand why, because she had done nothing to deserve his love or kindness. He turned towards her and kissed her cheeks and they were both soon asleep.

…

The smell of coffee and toast warmed the air whilst a newsman reported the usual horrors on the radio. Elijah was in the shower as Elena, tired and irritated, attempted to spread jam on the crunchy bread. The bathroom door opened and a wave of hot air, perfume and shampoo scent rushed through the apartment.

"Bunny, you look miserable," He said as he sat down, "I've told you time and time again that you should sleep. Three or four hours a night is not enough,"

"And I've told you that I'd love to, but I just can't," She raised her eyes and looked at him terrifyingly.

"Fine, I won't mention it again. For now," He chewed on the toast and slurped his coffee and Elena wanted to murder him for being so carefree and lively, "Should I come over tonight?"

"If you want to,"

"Yes, I would. I'm going out for a drink first with some colleagues, so it would actually be better if I could stay at yours, since it's closer, more convenient. Also, I can never have enough of your company," He came over to her side of the table and kissed her on the forehead.

"Elijah, look at the time. You need to get going,"

"Damn it, you're right. I still need to get dressed," Elijah rushed off, leaving her in her quiet solitude once more.

Elena thought to herself if she actually cared or was indifferent to Elijah coming over and concluded that it was the latter. Somehow she could not decide whether she preferred to be melancholy and sad with or without company, so Elijah's presence was really not essential to either option.

"Tonight then?" He asked as he was already by the door. Elena came over and gave him a kiss.

"Tonight,"

 **II.**

Large, overpowering dark clouds floated across the sky as Elena walked through town on her lunch break. She had bought some things she needed for home and was now looking for a place to sit down and eat or just have a cup of coffee or tea. Suddenly a café came into sight which she had not passed by or visited in a long time. It had been a bar a few years ago and while the décor had remained largely the same, it had become a much more civilised establishment. Fearing that she had little time left on her break, she realised that it had to be this place as nothing else was around. Elena wanted to convince herself that the anxiousness she felt was completely unwarranted given that she had not been there in the last five years, let alone seen Damon, but something invaded her mind and overwhelmed her. It was the past itself which corrupted her emotions, because she could not separate these walls, tables, the bar from the few times she had seen him there.

Trying to appear confident she walked in and went straight to the bar. A young man with a cheerful smile turned towards her and took her order.

"A cup of black coffee, please,"

"Elena?"

There was suddenly no air left to breathe. Elena knew that she could not turn around and pretend to be calm and collected. Then again, she knew that she had practised this in her mind countless times. With the most natural smile she could form, she turned around and at the table just beside the bar she saw Damon, Enzo and another man she did not know. It was as though nothing had changed in all this time. Elena was stunned by the surrealness of the moment. Damon stood up and moved towards her swiftly and happily.

"You look great!" For once Elena knew that this was true, as she had dressed for an important editor's meeting in a sleek black dress with equally elegant currant coloured heels. She thanked fate for at least this little favour. Without hesitation he placed his arms around her and embraced her, while Elena remained still and unmoved by this sign of affection. She was still certain of the fact that she would not survive this encounter.

"Thank you,"

"Your coffee, miss," The man at the counter watched them both with curiosity.

Elena quickly paid and took the coffee moving away from the bar searching for a table.

"How have you been?" As she took a seat she understood that Damon had been following her. He sat down alongside her and leaned in casually.

"Very well. Life has been quite wonderful these last few years,"

"I'm glad to hear that! For me too, I suppose. I dropped out a year later, but then started a different course at a different university altogether. It was actually a good thing, because I really disliked what I studied before. Did you keep going with uhm …"

"Journalism? Yes. I'm a journalist now for ' _The Daily and_ _Weekly Times_ '"

Damon smiled and Elena wanted to leave at that very moment, because once again she did not know what his smile meant. Not merely that, but she had no idea what he wanted from her at all. From that last night five years ago, when he had not given her any reason for why he did not want to be with her, she had not seen him or heard about him, however he had never left her thoughts.

"Listen, why don't you join us?"

"No, thank you. I'd like to get some work done,"

The thought of sitting at the same table with Damon and Enzo sent shivers and a wave of nauseousness throughout her body. It had all happened so long ago, but nevertheless all the feelings had come rushing back and Elena felt like it had been only yesterday that she had betrayed her own dignity with both of them. Damon's blue eyes stared into her questioningly and she knew that he was not ready to give up, for whatever senseless reason he had now, so she knew that she had to make her point more strongly.

"Would you leave me alone please?" She said losing what was left of her smile and becoming rather sombre.

"There's no need to be rude. It looks like you're quite irritated today," He moved away slightly, "Would you like to have a drink sometime soon?"

The idiot, the despicable bastard, Elena wanted to scream. She realised that not only did he not understand that her irritation was directly linked to him, but he was also oblivious to everything that had happened all those years ago. She could not comprehend whether he had simply forgotten or he had never truly known how much she had loved him and how much he had hurt her with his indecisiveness.

"I don't think that's a good idea,"

"Lainey, come on, for old time's sake,"

"No, I have to go," Leaving a full cup of searing coffee on the table and a confused Damon, Elena left the café as calmly as she could, given that she wanted to run out and run until she dropped from exhaustion. Fantasies of how this would happen had been in her mind constantly since that last conversation and she had specifically focused on how she would get her revenge. In her mind it had always taken place somewhere where she would have, if not Elijah, then someone else she was with by her side, and she would be beautiful, unreachable and successful. What had occurred only moments ago had made her appear just as insecure, troubled and weak as she had once been. Elena walked quickly without looking back, knowing that he would not follow her in any case, but fearing it just the same, until she reached her office building. Once there she forgot everything else but her work and at least for that afternoon felt like herself again.

 **III.**

Later in the week on an equally dreary and cloudy day, with intermittent rain showers, Elena dragged herself to work after having lunch with Elijah. Thunder was rumbling in her bones and her mind was filled with anything and everything that had nothing to do with work, but she knew that the show had to go on.

Just as she was about to walk through the revolving door she heard the familiar voice once again.

"Elena, hey!" She stopped in her tracks and noticed Damon standing just beside the plaque smoking a cigarette. The wind blowing her hair in all directions, she walked up to him and walked into leeward where it was calm, "Want one?" He offered her a cigarette and she accepted.

For a while they stood and smoked and it became obvious that Damon felt awkward both because of Elena's silence and because he had come there in the first place.

"Why are you here, Damon?" She finally asked.

"You left without saying goodbye and it seemed as though you were very upset, so I thought I'd check up on you,"

Elena felt confused and angry, because it was so out of his character that it was entirely unbelievable that this was the real reason he was there.

"Oh," She put out her cigarette, "I'm alright, so you can go now,"

"What the hell, Elena? What's wrong with you? You weren't like this back when we knew each other,"

"I don't have time for this," Elena went through the door and disappeared into the office. As she looked back she saw that Damon had followed her inside, but had not been able to get past the front desk.

When she reached her apartment that evening, exhausted and still shaken from their meeting, she went straight for a bottle of wine. After sitting on the sofa, sipping the oaky liquid and staring at the wall, she realised what she needed to do. Today when she was with him, she had forgotten why she held so much anger within her towards their past, so she knew that it was time for a reminder. Elena went over to her desk and took out a stack of papers from the drawer. They held detailed accounts of their conversations, which she had turned over and over in her mind to try to understand why he had finally decided to abandon her. As her eyes read the bitter lines, still not seeing the reason, she began to remember all the pain and hurt he had caused her emotionally. These pages would eternally guarantee that she would never return to him.

 **IV.**

The office buzzed and hummed with people who eagerly waited for the day to end. Just as any other Friday, while Elena wanted to escape home, she was not looking forward to any great excitement or party. Rain was pouring outside the window next to her as she forced words out of her for her weekly column. Her office phone rang and when she picked it up and said 'hello' the voice she heard nearly gave her a heart attack.

"Elena?"

"Yes?"

"It's Damon,"

"I know,"

"I got your number from the front desk. Have you got a minute to talk?"

"Yes,"

"I hate to be so insistent, but would you want to go somewhere for a drink tonight?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Why do people go for drinks?" He laughed lightly, but then seemed to realise that it might have been inappropriate, "You know, to chat about old times and catch up,"

"I don't think so, Damon,"

"Please, Elena. You're not even giving me a chance,"

"Fine. Where?"

"Great! Do you know the _Gin & River_?"

"No, but I can look it up,"

"Ok. Let's meet there at eight thirty?"

"Alright. Bye,"

Once Elena hung up she realised that, while during the phone call she had been drowning in regret due to the mistake she was about to make and then later made in agreeing to meet Damon, she had actually obtained the opportunity she had always wished for. Therefore she decided in advance that this would be the only time they would meet and she would make sure that he knows that she has become the successful and carefree person she desired to be.

…

At twenty eight minutes past eight, Elena arrived in front of _Gin & River_, a bar located next to a majestic river, with a large terrace built slightly over the water. As she walked inside it looked like any other bar with walnut wood tables, chairs and floor, but the off-white colours of the walls made it appear bright and inviting. Without even thinking about it she walked up to the bar and ordered a double whiskey on the rocks and started walking up the stairs towards the terrace, when she noticed that in a rather secluded spot near the stairs, was a small table with a tea candle on it and Damon looked up at her as she walked.

"I thought you'd just walk past me,"

Elena walked back down the stairs and concentrated intensely to make sure that she did not fall. Opposite the stairs was a mirror and as she descended she caught a glimpse of herself and so could make sure she looked just as alluring as she had intended to. Her body was slim and graceful in an emerald green satin dress with a sensually low cut. The dark locks of hair hung over her breasts, to create a striking contrast. Damon got up as she walked over and embraced her, with Elena once again unwillingly accepting the unnecessary display of his fondness.

"I'm so glad you agreed to come. For a second there, I thought I'd done something to upset you without even knowing what it was," Damon gulped his beer and looked at her earnestly. Elena was once again baffled by his demeanour, because he had once more acted so sincerely that she began to doubt herself and her recollection of the events that took place at university.

"Let's just say that I am not entirely sure why you wanted to see me,"

"We used to be good friends for a while. It was very unfortunate that it ended so abruptly. To be honest I can't even remember why. It's strange to think that even the following year we were at the same university but never saw each other,"

"Damon, we hardly saw each other when we were, as you said, good friends,"

"True, I always thought that was kind of peculiar,"

"It was not only peculiar, but quite indicative of the fact that we were not actually good friends,"

"Don't say that, Elena," Damon moved closer and wanted to place his hand on her thigh, but Elena quickly shifted so that he would not be able to.

"I think that you have a very unique interpretation of friendship," She said looking down at his hand as he moved it away.

"I believe my interpretation is just as normal as any other, I've just always found you very attractive as well,"

"What confused me then and confuses me still is that you somehow think that you can have the best of both worlds,"

"Not at all. Remember back then, we never even thought to be in a relationship or become intimate with each other, not truly, at least,"

"Yes, but we were not good friends either," Elena snapped. She could not stand his blabbering anymore, because for years these very thoughts had tormented her and she finally wanted clear answers, "I did not know what you wanted from me, Damon,"

"I enjoyed our talks because they were new and fresh, since nobody else I had met was of such a similar mind-set as you and I," He looked around as if trying to find the words to express himself. Elena noticed the music, the soft, low jazz which drifted from an outside stage, "But I just did not want to commit and I sensed that you wanted exactly that,"

"Honestly, I only wanted very little," Elena began to fear that all of these memories would bring her to tears, so she said as coldly as she could, "I just wanted to see you from time to time and throughout the time we knew each other, when you refer to as us being good friends, we met maybe five or six times,"

The music had altered to a slow ballad. Elena drank her whiskey thirstily and crossed her legs, thereby doing something, she had intended to do on purpose, quite accidently in the tension of this moment. Underneath her dress she wore transparent, black stockings with a lace top, which was now slightly revealed to Damon. He noticed it almost immediately and she could sense his reaction to it. For the first time since she had known him, all she could see in him was pure lust which was not obscured by hesitation.

The lights dimmed slightly as it became even darker outside. It created a very curious atmosphere with those in the bar almost appearing to take part in something suspicious which had to be concealed. Elena knew that she tempted Damon with what she did, but she could not resist. It intrigued her that finally she had evoked in him the near primitive desire which she had wished to bring to the surface years ago. It was true that above all, back when they had been on the verge of friendship, she had wanted to sleep with him. She had longed for an affair which would take her breath away. The images she had dreamt up in her mind of how he would hold her in his arms, caressing her body, kissing every part of her, with her stroking his back and the nape of his neck, were all there because she yearned for the intimacy which was constantly advertised and praised in films and books. Now as she sat beside him and saw that he wanted the very same thing as she had then, it made her heart bleed, because it was too late.

"What would you say about another drink?" Damon obviously felt awkward. Elena had barely finished her first one.

"Damon, I think this needs to be it. There's clearly resentment between us, at least on my side, so whatever you want from me – it's best if you forget it now,"

"Are you convinced that I like you or something?" The defensive tone and the way Damon moved back indicated that he was almost hurt by the fact that Elena had guessed the rather clear reason for this meeting.

"To be quite honest with you – I don't care," Quickly, fearing what he would say next, Elena got up and slid out of the seat, "I wish the best for you, Damon. I truly mean it,"

Without waiting for an answer, she left the bar and rapidly found a taxi that would take her home. This was something she never did, because whether it may rain or snow, she preferred to walk. Those last words which she had said surprisingly confidently had actually been true. It finally helped her think of this as a clean break, which was what she had needed for a long time. The taxi drove along the riverbank, along countless couples going for a midnight stroll, and it worried her that she did not want to be amongst them with her other half. It was not a played up feeling or a thought in the spur of the moment. She realised that something in her had been broken a long time ago and this still prevented her from appreciating the supposedly romantic expressions of love or affection. While this night had liberated her from her want of an ending to what she regarded as the only love in her life, it had not helped in reversing the effects which it had left upon her character. As she stepped out of the taxi in the breezy night, she still felt bitter and cold.


	5. The Swing of Things

_**The Swing of Things**_

 **I.**

The past week had been long and difficult. Elena had been drowning in work, perhaps partly purposely in order to avoid everything else that made her life seem so chaotic. She had also ended her relationship with Elijah, because she had realised that she could not string him along. He was oblivious to the fact that she did not love him as much as he loved her and for this very reason she saw that it was unfair, even malicious, to prolong a relationship which would inevitably end on its own. Elena understood his bewilderment all too well, when she had told him this, because she had felt exactly the same, when Damon had told her that he felt nothing for her. It seemed that she was breaking Elijah's heart, but Elena saw it as mercy, because she could not cope with the thought that she might hurt him any further because of her coldness.

Sitting by her office window and flipping through a printout version of her latest article, Elena was far from focused on her work. Her eyes drifted away from the pages before her as she thought of the hopelessness she felt. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, as she had a job she liked, had ended a smothering relationship and had finally dealt with her past. Only something was still not as she wanted it to be and she knew that it was irreversible, because the past had scarred her so deeply, that it still moved through her blood with its poisonous venom. From the corner of her eye she noticed a figure on the opposite side of the street. He moved across the pavement slowly, drinking from a paper coffee cup, smoking a cigarette and looking at the building from time to time. Elena could not believe her eyes. For a while she thought her mind was playing tricks on her, because she had been thinking about Damon so much, that it was quite plausible that she was imagining him there now. As more time passed she realised that he was real, and that he was waiting for her. Elena grabbed her trench coat and descended to the first floor, where she walked through the door into the chilly sunshine.

Determinedly she rushed across the street, avoiding cars almost violently, and walked up to Damon, who stood completely still. He seemed to be paralysed at the sight of seeing her and as she moved towards him, it became clear that he was not expecting her to come outside to meet him. He threw his cigarette away and put his hands in his coat pockets. It looked like a similar version of the coat he had worn the first time they had met, and Elena could not help but notice this.

"I'm sorry," He looked at her with a smile, but this time it was not the smirk she had always been used to, "I really don't know what to say. This was such a pathetic idea,"

"Which idea are you talking about exactly?"

"Waiting here for you. I suppose you finally wanted to get me away from here,"

"I …" Elena thought for a second, "You mean, you've been here more than just this afternoon?"

Damon looked away, realising his mistake.

"Listen, I don't want to bother you like this. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'd just like to go for coffee with you. No bar, no alcohol, no flirting. Just us talking, because I can't leave it at that,"

"Leave it at what?"

"Us feeling resentment for each other and with you thinking that I am still the same person as I was then,"

"You seem the same," Elena could not look in his eyes, because she could not bear to see what they portrayed. It was a mirror image of what she looked like all those years ago at that final event – the false smile with eyes that spilled over with dark melancholy.

"I thought I was, but there has been a change in how I see things, how I see you, for example,"

Elena sighed and turned away. She could feel her body shake slightly from the pressure and pain of this situation. It had been her fantasy, this sudden turn of emotions, when Damon would be there and tell her that he likes her. However she had never imagined the situation further beyond that point and only now she realised that this made her miserable. All the regret and disdain she had soaked up from these thoughts prevented her from enjoying this revenge and also prevented her from falling into his arms and responding to his feelings.

"Coffee does not sound necessary. We would not be able to talk about all of this anyway, because there is nothing left to say," She finally spoke, but felt that it did not sound sincere.

"Clearly I don't agree,"

"Tell me, Damon, and this is not the first time I've asked you this – what do you want from me? Do you want to go for coffee one time in order to clear your conscience and end this with a hug and a smile? If that's the case then it's very naïve of you,"

"No, you're making me sound so simple,"

"Because I think you are. Or do you want this to turn into a relationship? This would inevitably result in a different way in which to clear your conscience,"

Damon took his hands out of his pockets and put them on Elena's arms sharply, aggressively. He moved her away from the pavement and pushed her against the wall of the building next to them. Elena had never seen him angry or violent, but she felt the frustration he sensed pass from his mind to his actions.

"Why do you have to put me down like this? I'm trying. Not because I feel guilty, because as I said the last time we met – I see the past in a different light," He looked around for a moment at the reactions of some passers-by who were rather reluctant to ignore the fact that he had a woman pinned to the wall. He removed his hands, "No, I'm doing this because I feel something for you and I don't know what it is, but I just know that I can't let you go just yet,"

"There is one thing that you taught me, Damon," Elena said as she moved away from him, still fearing he would do something he would regret, "Feelings need to be on both sides, otherwise nothing can form between two people,"

"Fine, I have nothing left to say to convince you,"

Damon threw his arms in the air seemingly to say that he is giving up. With that being that last thing Elena saw, she crossed the street and walked back into her office, walked up the stairs and immediately walked to the window to see if he was still there. He had gone. Elena could not wait to get home because she needed to think about what had just happened and that could not be done with the chief editor walking through the office and giving out new assignments.

 **II.**

The evening came with a brightly coloured sky and strong wind. Elena watched this from underneath a blanket on an armchair in her bedroom. She sat there and thought about the afternoon over and over again in her mind. Despite trying to deny it to herself since that moment, she had to acknowledge the fact that she regretted the way she had acted. Somehow what Damon had said had actually convinced her that there may be a chance for them yet and she had thrown it away on principle. Perhaps not entirely on principle, but merely because she felt bitter about the past, however since she was a person who relied heavily on her past to move her forwards, she could not escape this reluctance. The idea of trying to revive her feelings for Damon which had become so obscure seemed impossible, because there was so much that could cloud her judgement. All she ever wanted was to be with him, at least physically if not on an emotional level, but now that it was within her grasp, she had let it go so very easily. The smell of mint tea awoke her and she looked at the round clock only to notice that it was still very early. For the first time in years, she decided to dedicate this time before slumber to pleasant fantasies. She closed her eyes and moved away from all the revenge and seduction she wanted to ensue, and rather imagined how it would be if he were here with her now.

In the same room, he would walk up to her and kiss the top of her head, which would make her smile. He would walk around the chair and sit down on his knees in front of her, placing his hands on her thighs, caressing them softly. Damon would then move towards her and begin to kiss her lips taking her into his arms, pressing her against his body. Her legs wrapped around him, she would feel the warmth of his skin and his desire to have her. He would take off her nightgown and reveal her underwear and the synthetic silk fabric would reflect the subtle streetlights from above. Then he would carry her to the bed and lay her down placing himself on top of her. They would make love feverishly and passionately exhausting themselves entirely. Afterwards, as they lay side by side underneath the sheets, they would share a cigarette and drink a glass of wine, feeling glad having formed this union.

Elena awoke from this dream-like fantasy only the following morning, feeling cold and broken from sleeping on the chair. The window had been left open, so she could see her breath in the icy and hazy morning air. Drinking hot lemon water whilst skimming the pages of a book in the kitchen, she tried to recover from what she still sensed after this night. Her thoughts had corrupted her once more and she could not imagine not achieving what she had dreamed of.

…

When she was back at work, after a weekend of doing nothing but sitting by her record player, listening to music and thinking of what has been and could be, Elena felt exhausted. The sheer power of her imagination had deprived her of all energy to the point where several of her colleagues asked her if she was alright. Returning from lunch early since the café just next door had been too crowded to stay there and relax, she noticed a package on her table. Turning to Bonnie, who worked at the table next to hers, she asked, who had brought it up.

"Matt from the front desk brought it. He was quite annoyed, because he normally gives stuff to people as they leave the office, but the guy who had given it to him insisted that it should be given to you rather urgently,"

"That was sweet of him, I should thank him later. Thanks, Bonnie," Elena smiled, but felt quite nervous about the eerie box on her desk. She opened it carefully noticing the curious looks Bonnie gave her.

Inside the box were two cups of coffee and a note, which said; " _I wish I could drink it with you, D_ " below these words was a phone number. This gesture, as saccharine and romantic as it was, therefore completely unlike Damon, melted her heart. Elena quickly dialled the phone number and it was immediately answered.

"I'm outside,"

The coffee was still warm and as Elena looked out of the window she noticed Damon sitting on the bench a little further away from where he had been just days ago. Swiftly taking the box she headed to the elevator and once she was outside, she noticed that Damon had stood up.

"Finally, I seem to have done something right,"

Suddenly Elena blushed as she realised the eagerness with which she had acted in this situation. However it was because she was still heavily influenced by her thoughts during the weekend.

"It was rather sweet,"

Some colour returned to Damon's cheeks as he smiled sincerely. This success in what he had done seemed to bring true cheerfulness to his mind, and with that Elena slowly began to believe the change he had talked about.

"Let's sit down,"

"I still have quite a bit left of my lunchbreak. If you have time, we could move away from this busy street to the little park, just two streets away,"

"I have time," Damon gave her his usual smirk, but Elena could not begrudge him that since this was something she could accept.

When they were between mossy green conical and round trees, they sat down on a little stone wall. At first they sipped their coffees quietly without looking at each other. It seemed that neither one of them had anything to say. Finally Damon spoke.

"I'm sorry, Elena,"

"Why? You lured me out of the office. This was a nice idea,"

"Not for this. No, I would never apologize for this, since I can finally talk to you," He laughed lightly, "No, I'm sorry for the past. For all the stupid things I probably said and for how idiotically it all ended, or rather how I ended it,"

It was once again Elena's turn to blush and this threw her back in the past yet again. She felt so incredibly young and innocent when she was next to him, yet she knew it was far from the truth.

"Apology accepted. However you did not even need to say this, because I know that much of what happened, I interpreted wrongly and I was not entirely faultless. I think we just met at the wrong time,"

"Don't make excuses for me. You've drawn me in and I have not been able to stop thinking about you and our past lately. As much as I attempted to deny the fact that I had never really given you the impression that I liked you as more than a friend, it was just not possible," Damon shook his head, "God, Elena, do you see what you've done to me? I can't think of anything else,"

This was too much for Elena to understand and she realised that she needed to get away before a wave of emotions would swallow her whole. As she tried to jump off the wall, she scraped her hand against the grainy stones, which in turn made the tiny cuts bleed lightly. Damon immediately got down and took her hand in his blowing his cool breath on the injury. He did this raising his eyes to look into hers, which were still petrified from the impact his words had left on her. Then, without her noticing how it happened, Damon was up against her, the small of her back pressed against the stones, and his lips were only inches away from hers. A moment passed in which Damon seemed to give her time to either remain there or escape, but when Elena remained just as still as before, he pressed his lips upon hers and took her in his arms just as he had once done. Only this time, Elena was not the one who trembled from the effect of this kiss. When Damon moved away, she stood before him confused and overwhelmed.

"This…I don't know… this is too much, Damon," She breathed deeply.

"Why?"

"Because I can't tell what I actually feel for you. Not only that, but I still don't trust you. How can I know that what you're doing now is not something temporary?"

"How can I be more honest towards you? I've told you what I think, I've apologized, now it's my turn to ask – what more do you want from me, Elena?"

"I want to see you as my present, not just my past, but I'm not there yet,"

Damon sighed and despite what Elena thought he would do, that is walk away, he moved close to her and embraced her, kissing her forehead.

"Think about it," His hand gently stroked her hair, "But even though you may not yet know what you feel, I sensed your feelings during the kiss,"

He looked at his watch then threw the empty coffee cups into the nearby bin.

"I have to get back to work, but I would like to see you soon. Call me, when you decide,"

The remaining part of the day was drenched in panic, stress and anxiousness, because Elena, quite uselessly, wondered if she should call Damon or put an end to it once and for all. Yet even before she had begun thinking about it she already knew that she would call him. From the depths of her shattered heart, the roots of her old obsessive love had been revived and were now growing in all directions. These emotions overtook her entirely and she could no longer concentrate on anything but the little paper with his phone number, which was in front of her the whole time. However what held her back was something she had heard said somewhere by someone at one time in her life; ' _Recovery is terrifying when you don't know who you are without your sadness_ ' and in a way this was what Elena was afraid of. Too many years had been spent in a drowse of depression and disappointment, therefore what she was effectively scared of was the thought that she would not be able to experience happiness anymore. She wished she could just throw off the thoughts which poisoned her joy. Just before midnight, after having dialled the number several times already, Elena finally called Damon.


	6. Fear of Falling

_**Fear of Falling**_

 **I**

"It's me," Elena tried to sound as calm as she could, but her voice came out raspy and unsure.

"I was hoping you'd call," He sighed pleasantly. Elena wished this conversation could take place in real life, rather than once more over the dreaded telephone, so that she could see every single one of his expressions. Elena knew that she could not afford to miss anything this time around, because she had decided that she would never be surprised with rejection again.

"Saturday, let's go to the forest and for a drink afterwards,"

"The forest?" A short pause "Why not? Where are we meeting?"

"By the entrance of the train station,"

"I have a car you know,"

"Oh, then you could pick me up there,"

"Do we really need to wait until Saturday to meet?"

"I suppose not. I just thought that if we would go to the forest, it wouldn't work on a day when I have work,"

"We can still do that," Damon sounded anxious "But could we see each other sooner?"

"I'm free on Wednesday,"

"Perfect. I'll come by your office. What time do you finish?"

"Six,"

"I'll be there. 'til then Lena,"

Once he had hung up, Elena began fidgeting. She could not stop thinking about everything that might happen which could ruin this newfound trust she was offering to him. She had thought of the forest, which lay only a few miles from the city and was a known tourist spot, because at the end of summer the greenery was supposed to be at its brightest. It was said that the marshlands surrounding it emitted something near intoxicating. The forest reminded her of the past. The trees, the sun setting over the teal and sea green mass of shrubbery. It could either be a pleasant walk or an absolute disaster.

The second bottle of wine was nearly empty as Elena once again sat at the table and read over the pages she had once written. Since that fateful evening, when he had hurt her, she had decided to seek her revenge, but that did not mean that she had forgotten what he meant to her. The first two years which followed were chaos in every sense of this word. She drank and slept with anyone who was kind to her and the moment they wanted to get closer, she pushed them away. It was a miracle that she made it through university with the emotional havoc that spread and wormed through her mind. It had only been possible because she had always had her priorities in order and the one thing which had stood above Damon was education. Over time the pain had subsided and she had begun to see everything she had done in a different light. The illusion of her love for Damon, as she saw it, had made her act irrationally and when she had finally regained consciousness within her emotions, she saw these years as erratic and degrading. No one knew about it, because she had hidden it well and so she did not have to worry about embarrassment in front of anyone she knew, however within her all of this boiled and scattered in order to cause mayhem. She had to ask herself whether she could forget all of this to start anew and become the person she was, but this question did not bring her any answers. Elena went to sleep weary and overwhelmed, because there were still too many things she had to think about before she could give in.

 **II**

Wednesday arrived before Elena could notice it and on that day she just wanted to disappear. This solution seemed so easy, because then she would not have to go through the tortuous process of meeting Damon and once again feeling her body, mind and heart surrender to him. The more time they spent apart, the more doubt seeped in as to whether she was not just as naïve as before. When she was with him, however, all of that vanished and she was left within her helpless, little shell, with Damon holding her heart and soul in his hands. At only ten minutes to six o'clock Elena could not decide which situation was worse.

The day had been intensely hot with the temperature not ceasing to rise. The last days of summer were always like this. The air was suffocating and heavy, people walked around with dewy brows and squinted eyes and the city itself seemed to bustle more than usual as the masses of people filled the streets with their hot bodies. Elena walked out of her office holding her hand to her forehead to block out the sun. She saw him immediately with his Ray Bans and white shirt looking cool and unaffected by the heat, but for the slight tint to his cheeks. As she walked up to him he came forward and embraced her placing a kiss on her cheek.

"You look beautiful. Looking at you no one would know that it's plus thirty five degrees outside,"

"Thank you," She mumbled, not knowing whether to trust the compliment or worry about whether it was true.

He held out his elbow and she placed her arm through his. They began to walk through the city and Elena felt that he was leading her towards the river. The sea gulls sang and flew high above, rising in numbers as they walked closer and closer to the water. The streets were loud and almost impassable as everyone was leaving work, so until they reached the promenade they did not talk. Elena only gave Damon a look once in a while and as she did, he was looking back at her. Somehow this picture seemed too perfect and so Elena's rotten mind had to ruin it. Just as in a movie, flashbacks popped up within her mind of everything she had ever wanted to forget. If he only knew, she thought to herself. What Elena was unaware of was that by the end of the night, Damon would know.

The promenade was relatively quiet so they could finally walk side by side without being pressed together. The sun was falling lower by the minute and Elena could not wait until it would get dark.

"Is it too risky to ask why you decided to call me?"

"It's not risky, just pointless since I don't quite know the answer to that," Elena smiled suddenly feeling awkward. This struck her because it was what she was afraid of – this transition back into her old self. No, don't go back to that, she said to herself.

"Oh, I don't know if you've seen it, but do you remember Enzo, from university? He has just become the CEO of one of the largest tech companies in Sweden. It was in the news. I'm very proud of him,"

"That's nice. Didn't I see you with him in the café though?"

"Your reaction was underwhelming. Yes, he was in town just then. He's going to be here again in two weeks, we could all meet up then, for old times' sake,"

"I'm sorry, the heat has driven all of my emotions out of me. Of course, that's a great thing to accomplish, especially since he's still so young. I didn't really know him very well though," Elena could feel her back sweat from the pressure she was under. This was once again a situation where she could not understand whether Damon was genuinely oblivious to what had happened between Enzo and her or if he was merely pretending in order to lure the confession out of her. In any case, she did not want to give in.

"Well, he's still a good friend and I'd think you'd like him if you got to know him closer. So when he'll be here I'll let you know," He smiled kindly and kissed her cheek and with that Elena knew that he was not pretending.

"Do you want to sit down somewhere in the shadow? The sun is killing me," Elena could feel the dewiness of her skin and how her heart raced so that between the heat and her own smothering emotions she began to feel dizzy.

"We can go into one of the bars just across the street," Elena nodded.

They crossed the street, leaving the promenade behind, feeling the fresh smell of water abandon them as they moved closer to the greyness of the city. All the buildings looked the same in the diffused hot air of the brightly yellow sun. The bar which they entered was rather run down. But for the bartender, a drunk at the counter and a pair of men, who looked at Damon and Elena suspiciously as they came in, as if they were negotiating a mafia deal, there was no one there. They sat down deep inside the bar and ordered two beers, which they both gulped down in seconds. Then another round and another and before they knew it the alcohol had gone to their heads. Elena had lost the thread of their conversation. She just remembered that Damon had talked about something that he had read in the news about his profession and he was now complaining about everything going downhill.

"If I had been smarter at school I would have realised that studying business management only works for some people. You try and you try, but in a private firm they treat you like dirt when you're a newcomer and they treat you just the same when you've been there for a while and they want to throw you out to get some fresh blood in,"

"Damon, you still have so much ahead of you. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities,"

"That's a sweet thing to say, but it's not like it used to be. You're lucky that you're good at what you do. I read your latest piece,"

"Thank you. But I don't like to think that you're giving up already,"

"I'm not," He sighed, "Sometimes I just can't keep it all in anymore,"

Damon placed his hand on hers. Elena shivered imperceptibly. Just at that moment the bartender walked up to them. He took the glass bottles as they clinked in his hands and asked if they wanted anything else. He ordered another beer but Elena could not help herself and ordered a whiskey. From then on everything became even hazier. She could understand everything he said and everything that was going on around her, but she felt how the alcohol slowly numbed the thoughts which had made this afternoon seem unbearable.

…

The door opened with slight difficulty as Elena had trouble taking the key out. Damon was watching her every move with amusement. He knew that she was only tipsy, just as he was, but it was still entertaining. The apartment greeted them with the silence and refreshing air they had been seeking the entire day. Elena threw her bag on the sofa and went into the kitchen where she filled up two highball glasses with cold water. They stood facing each other sipping the cool water and avoiding each other's eyes. Neither of them really remembered how they had decided to go to Elena's place. Damon had mentioned something about taking the last train to his place, as he lived outside the city, and about having let his brother borrow his car. Elena had insisted that he should stay over, because a taxi would cost a fortune. It may have happened along those lines. Now, as they stood in the kitchen, the situation became less innocent than it seemed when they had talked about it, especially as Damon put down his glass and went over to Elena, placing his hands on her waist softly.

"That's not what I meant, when I invited you to stay,"

"I know," He stroked a lock of hair away from her face, "You don't want to?"

"I'm not sure,"

"Well, Elena either a 'yes' or a 'no' would help," His right hand was on the small of her back, pushing her towards him slightly.

"Yes," Damon kissed her neck, biting it gently.

"Are you sure?" Their eyes met. Elena could not wait any longer. She put her hands around his neck and holding his hair kissed him stormily. Damon's hands moved down to her rear as he felt every single part of her. While kissing, Elena led Damon into the bedroom where she quickly pulled off his shirt, while Damon was working on opening her dress. They undressed one another and it was just as she had imagined. Their skin, dewy and aglow in the moonlight, was pressed together as Damon turned her around and passed his hands over her breasts, stomach and thighs. He then moved her over to the bed and lay down on top of her, still caressing her body. The hot air from the open window had overpowered the bedroom, but it only added to the heat of their bodies as they satisfied the lust which had built up over these years. They made love with every part of their being and as Elena kissed Damon again and again, she felt all of her worries float away.

Once they regained their strength, they sat back in the bed. Elena rushed off briefly to get her cigarettes. As she smoked, Damon joined her and this pleased her beyond her control, because it really was the fulfilment of a fantasy, which she had set aside as improbable. And just like that, with sobriety coming on like a wave, it all became meaningless again, because this was not how she had wanted it to happen. In the blink of an eye she realised that it had begun just as all those other times.

"That was great," Damon said as he blew the smoke up at the ceiling. He looked over at Elena who stared at the blank walls without any reaction, "Won't you say anything?"

"It was wonderful. But it was just as everything else," She got up to put on a slip and her nightgown.

"What do you mean?"

Elena left to go into the kitchen, where she poured out of a glass of wine from the already open bottle of Bordeaux. She stood at the counter and drank it quickly, before Damon joined her in the room.

"What happened?"

"Damon, I can't. This is just like anything else in my life. I feel like I'm stepping into the same darkness which I tried to climb out of for years. I can't get past everything I've done, everything I regret. You've really screwed me up, you know,"

"You're blaming this on me?"

"Not directly. But oh god, if you only knew," Elena was close to tears, but she tried to hold them back as best as she could.

"Why does it bother you? Why can't you just let the past be the past?"

"Why do you like me now? Why do you like me now that it's too late?"

"I can't answer that, because I don't know what you mean!" Damon shouted this in a whisper resembling a snake hissing loudly.

"I'm not the same person as I was then. The person you like now is damaged, crippled by everything and everyone she has surrendered herself to. I don't like this person,"

"You're just as I remember you,"

"Then why didn't you like me then?"

"This is getting ridiculous. I can't analyse my feelings just so you would have an answer. I don't know. I suppose I'm older and now I see something different in you,"

At these words Elena let her tears loose. Everything she asked and said was unreasonable and she knew it, and everything that Damon said was understandable, but she could not control how she felt. Right now she was struggling with the demons from her past.

"It was always the same, Damon. All those drinks, the shady bar, the guy who seemed nice, I can't even count how many times that happened. The thing is that it was almost never them who wanted to leave it at that. And I want to do what I did then now, with you. I want to say that this is it. It's become a part of me. Anything beyond that requires something that I have lost, and that is hope. The hope that something good will come of this,"

"I don't care what you've done, Elena. It doesn't matter. But I won't let you destroy any chance of us,"

"Honestly, I don't see why it's so important to you,"

"For fuck's sake Elena, I think I'm falling for you,"

"That…"

"No, don't say anything," He walked up to her and embraced her, kissing her hair, her forehead, squeezing her tightly in his arms, "Don't say anything,"

They stood there that way for a while until Damon finally led Elena to bed and put her to sleep. The tears on her cheeks had dried as she slept, breathing quietly. Damon stayed up, watching her sleep, smoking by the window. What had passed between them could not be easily set aside or forgotten, but Damon did not want to think about it. She questioned his feelings, but he knew that they were honest and true, even if he did not know why they had made themselves known now. It infuriated him that she was demanding that he should explain the most irrational emotions imaginable. Elena slept for a while, but was soon awoken by a shaking feeling within her heart. It was her heart trying to tell her what a fool she had been. This desperate need to remember the past tormented her from the moment she had seen him and once more she had showered him with the toxin which she harboured. It was clear to her that if he chose to leave it at this, she would understand.


	7. Absolute Beginners

_**Absolute Beginners**_

 **I**

No call had been made by either of them. It was already Friday and as the speedy pace of the week began to wither away for some people, Elena was hoping for the opposite. Every minute seemed like a different eternity, every minute tortured her with something new. She thought of the many possible ways Damon could have reacted to what she had said and the many thoughts which could have passed through his mind. The following morning she had awoken when it was still dark. The window was open and a strong wind blew the curtains in all directions. She had closed it and then gone to the bathroom.

It was clear to her from how she felt, that she had not been drunk. Therefore Elena could not blame alcohol for prompting her to say all that she had, which had not been a lot, but once again just enough to create tension, which she felt Damon wanted to avoid at all costs. The mirror was not kind to her as it showed every stray piece of mascara and the slight smudges of lipstick left on her cheeks, from where Damon had kissed her after kissing her lips. It was a dismal look, but it perfectly matched her feelings. What revived her was a hot shower – only then did she realise that she had been completely ice cold. As the water poured over her body, she slowly regained her strength and vigour. Soon she sat at the table in the kitchen, looking at the wine bottle she had placed on the floor by the bin and thought. When Damon would wake up, there was nothing she could say to him, because in a way she had insulted him the night before, but she could not apologize even for the sake of making him feel better, because an apology would be untrue. She had meant all that she had said.

Damon was awoken by the smell of coffee and pancakes. He looked at the other side of the bed and seeing that Elena was not there, he immediately dressed half-way and went to look for her. He found her standing by the fridge, juggling three jars in her hands.

"Morning, do you need any help?"

Elena turned swiftly and before one of the glass containers fell onto the floor, Damon caught it.

"I guess I do," She smiled shyly. The awkwardness between them was unsubtle and irritating, but neither one of them could help it. Damon came up to her, as she placed everything on the table, and put his hands on her waist. He looked into her eyes with his piercingly worrying stare and Elena only having noticed it, immediately escaped his touch.

"I have to get to work soon, so we should have breakfast now. I still need to get ready,"

"That would be nice, I'm starving," Elena blushed. She could not help it.

The sun was beginning to cast its first rays through the window, leaving strokes of light on the soft white walls. Elena opened the window and looked at the two birds on the windowsill, who were chirping away without a care on their mind. She sipped her coffee and looked at Damon once in a while, who sat at the table and looked at her the same way. They both wanted to say something, but did not know what it was. Without saying a word, Elena went to put on her suit and take her things, and when she came back, Damon had cleared everything away. They went out of her apartment and onto the street.

"Thank you for the breakfast, Elena,"

"You're welcome," A smile, "Bye for now,"

"See you soon," Elena did not understand if that was a statement or a question, but they both started walking in opposite directions, leaving the memories of the night behind.

Sitting at her desk in the office, Elena went through the morning detail by detail, yet she could not understand what it all meant. They had agreed to meet on Saturday, but she was unsure if that was still the case, given that Damon may not want to see her at all, despite what he had said. Going home she noticed every single couple on the street and she tried to see the reason for why they were together. For some it was very obviously passion, which had driven them to one another, others were not supposed to be together at all, because they looked miserable in each other's company, but then there were those, who just fit together. Without any reason for it, as Elena did not base this on physical attributes, she could just see that there was something there. Perhaps it was not the greatest of loves, but something which just fell into place. Damon and she might have that or they may just end up in the second category, regretting their decision to revive the past, or rather their decision to give new meaning to it.

The television acted as necessary noise as Elena chose to fill her mind with the History Channel when she got home. She ate her dinner and watched a documentary about prohibition, but it soon became surreal, because she could not see any man in it as anyone other than Damon. Frustration built up in her as she cursed her obsessive nature and just as she was about to grab the telephone to call him and ask him point-blank if they were to meet tomorrow, it rang.

"Hello?"

"Elena, hey," Damon cleared his throat, "I just wanted to make sure if we're still on for tomorrow,"

"Yes," She did not know what else to say, "It should be nice weather,"

"Just as you wanted,"

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then,"

"Yes. Oh, I'll pick you up at your place,"

"Great, thanks,"

"Bye now,"

 **II**

Damon hung up and sighed deeply. He knew what he had voluntarily got him himself involved in from the moment he had met her after all these years, but he knew that he could not give up. Behind that cool exterior and her mistrust lay someone he wanted to be with. He sat on his sofa and thought of her smile which lately he had only seen on rare occasions, he thought of her body as he had taken it and he thought of what she would do next. Her unpredictability was driving him insane, because she had not been like this. Back in the day he had been sure of every one of Elena's actions, because he had known that she liked him and there is a certain pattern people follow, when they have feelings for someone. Just as he did now. They had appeared out of thin air or perhaps it was not as simple as that. And because things were not so simple, he knew that Elena's feelings were still there and had not vanished without a reason. When the past comes to visit, despite how unwilling one is to welcome it, there is no escape. He had felt it in every single moment when Elena had been close to him, when he had taken her in his arms, because now that he felt the same he could see it clearly. Her actions however were similar to that of a cliché soap opera where somebody likes someone so much that they cannot be together. Damon had never understood this plot basis therefore he found it difficult to rationalise everything Elena did now.

The horizon was bleeding with colours as Damon stood on his little balcony and smoked a cigarette. He knew that the following day would be interesting since he did not know what to expect and simply because he would see her again. The thought of being able to be close to her excited him and right now it was what drove him forward in life. His work had fallen into the background of what he saw as a battle to bring stability to his existence, because he did not see anything else beyond Elena in his future. He felt as though she was an anchor which was pulling him down to the bottom of the ocean. The irony of it did not amuse him, since he remembered with bitterness how they had made fun of her at university. All of his friends knew how she felt, because she had been so blunt with it, and they all knew that whenever she would be there on a night out, she would at some point talk to him or look for him. It had been embarrassing for him at the time and that had been it, since he had not felt guilt or pity for her. Perhaps it had caught up with him now and he loved her because he felt he owed it to her. Damon quickly dismissed this idea, because he realised that the more deeply he thought over everything that had happened, the more twisted his thoughts became. He threw the cigarette butt away, closed the balcony and went to bed.

…

From the outside her apartment building looked exactly opposite from how he remembered it. That night he had seen it as dark and foreboding, bearing no life at all as all windows had been dark. In the daylight it looked vibrant; the glistening stone shining in the sunshine, scarlet flowerboxes hanging over every balcony and an elderly couple having breakfast and chatting away at a table above. Elena came out only moments after he had arrived. She smiled timidly, said hello and got into the car.

"You do know that you have to tell me where I'm driving, because I've never been there before,"

"Really?"

"I'm not really at one with nature, you know," He said as they drove off. The streets were empty as everyone had by this time gone to the countryside for the weekend. Only the pavements buzzed with tourists and shoppers who were moving in one mass, just a group of fishes swimming together. The drive was short and easy and as Damon parked his car on the crackling gravel, they soon stood in the fresh air surrounded by tall pine trees. Acorns covered the paths leading into the forest, sunlight invited the wanderers in, as the warm air created a fog which lay as a blanket over the ground. The first fallen leaves, all yellow and still pretty, crunched under their feet on the little path.

"I have to admit, that it is beautiful here,"

"Isn't it? Sometimes I wish I could live closer to a place like this, but then again I like all the perks of living in the city," Elena said melancholically.

"I know what you mean,"

"Should we go?"

"Yes, that's what we're here for."

Damon walked closely at her side, trying to enjoy the scenery, but it was practically impossible since his eyes would not leave her. Her hair was in a high pony tail and she had on a dress which exposed the higher part of her back, almost only the nape of her neck and shoulder blades. However this picture was so alluring that he wanted to seduce her then and there. Only he realised that in order to gain her trust he had to avoid anything so rash.

"I didn't mean to say what I did that night," It came as a blow to Damon which sent him back into reality.

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I was afraid. Of what might happen after, you know," She smiled, "But here we are,"

"We're here because I called you," Damon knew that he should not say this, but it left his mouth anyway.

"I'm glad that you did. I would have called anyway,"

"I must say that's a relief,"

"Let's never talk about that night, alright?"

"Why? I wanted to do the opposite. Elena you said some things which I can't ignore. You basically blamed your entire past on me,"

"I didn't mean it so literally, but yes, my feelings for you influenced much of what I did," She turned towards him, stopping him in his tracks, "You see, I kept having this dream, since I met you at the café with your friends that time. Only recently I remembered that it was not a dream, but that it actually happened, and it really struck me again, how awful it all was,"

"What do you mean?"

"Remember how we used to talk over the phone all the time, but we had not met since when you wandered into our kitchen?" Damon nodded guiltily, "Well there was that time, when my friend and I were in the café and I saw you there with all your friends. I was too afraid to go and talk to you, so for more than half an hour my friend tried to convince me that I should go up to you, because otherwise we would never get past that inability to talk in person. Well, finally I mustered up all of my strength and went up to you. You got up, gave me a hug, but didn't say anything. Then you got one of the coasters and wrote on the back of it that you and your friends were playing a game and you were involved in a bet, which meant that you couldn't say anything to anyone for a certain time. I had to smile and nod and then go away. You called that night," Elena looked off into the distance and her voice broke as she said, "That was when you asked me to go for a drink. You apologized and said that you couldn't afford to lose any bets against your friends, but Damon, that was just …"

"Horrible, I know, but I can't change it. I am sorry for how I acted, I've already told you that,"

"Did you then ask me to go to that bar out of pity?"

"No. I would have asked you at some point in any case. You have to let go of that. We might be the same people or we may be different than we were back then, but it doesn't matter now, since this is something entirely new,"

"Don't you think I'm trying to? I had forgotten that this event even happened, but I remembered it in a dream!" Elena exclaimed.

"Try harder," Damon put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her lustfully. He then looked into her eyes and Elena nodded. They walked further on and their conversations were diverted into the tracks of simpler themes. Elena told him about her newest assignment, while Damon tried to provide various points which she could include. He told her about his countryside in Sweden, which this forest reminded him of. The pleasant ambiance which had so suddenly been created between them ensured that they both enjoyed the afternoon. On their drive back Damon placed his hand on Elena's and she squeezed it gently.

…

Damon left his car at Elena's apartment, as they went upstairs to have coffee. Elena began preparing it, by putting the already ground coffee into two cups and pouring boiling water on it. This made Damon laugh.

"Elena, you make coffee like my grandma,"

"Thank you, I like older people so I'll take that as a compliment,"

"Whenever we're at her place she asks me if I want my type of coffee or a cup made the old fashioned way and with her there's only ever the one answer,"

Elena laughed as she softly punched his arm.

"It tastes better this way. Leave me alone," He kissed her forehead before they sat down on the sofa in the living room. The room was aired out and full of bright light, with the smell of the scarlet carnations filling the air. They sipped coffee and continued talking about everything that Elena had ever wanted to discuss with Damon, but had never had the chance to. They talked about music again and it was interesting to see that even though they had both started listening to new bands, their tastes had remained the same. The way he looked at her and everything he said, convinced Elena that she wanted to be with him. She knew that eventually she could forget everything if there would be new memories which could replace the old ones, but what still worried her was that history might repeat itself. Damon may lose his interest the moment she falls for him again and a memory such as that would never leave her.

He put the coffee cup on the table and moved closer to her. Elena felt her heart race because she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, perhaps even more. It took all she had not to act first, but rather let him seduce her.

"Elena, this time I will ask you beforehand, do you trust me?"

"Yes, I do,"

Damon slid his hand under her dress between her legs, and when he touched her Elena felt pleasure ooze out of every fibre of her being. He kissed her neck and breasts, before laying her down on the sofa and getting on top of her. Elena could feel the soft velvet material of the sofa press into her back. She sensed Damon's breath on her neck as he pulled up her dress. He moved above her as she crossed her legs above him. They enjoyed this end to the afternoon as much as possible and as Damon kissed her lips softly after they had satisfied their lust, Elena no longer felt the anguish she had on that delirious night. They lay next to each other on the sofa for a long time, relishing the warm autumnal day, talking and laughing, and for those who did not know what had happened between them in the past, they might have seemed just like any other ordinary pair.

* * *

 **N.B.** Another update so soon as an apology for not uploading the previous one sooner. I was moving and was therefore unable to find time write. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Learning to Fly

_**Learning to Fly**_

 **I**

On an orange tinted Sunday afternoon Elena and Damon were sitting in a restaurant, each looking at a one-page menu. Having left Elena's apartment only around noon they had gone to the cinema and after the eerie hour and a half of ' _It Follows'_ they had felt it necessary to go to a place which chattered and hummed with people, where the sunshine glazed the large windows and they could feel happy. The waiter came by and once they had ordered they could once again concentrate on each other.

"I don't think I'll recover from that film today," Elena said as she ran her hands through her hair.

"I know what you mean. I had not seen anything with any substance in the cinema for years, but who would have thought it? A horror movie,"

"It was frightening because it was true,"

"What do you mean?" Damon mockingly pretended to be frightened.

"Perhaps I'm not the girl who is stalked by an unavoidable supernatural being, but I think that we are all followed by something in a way,"

"The past?" He smiled bitterly.

"Yes, and if not that, then the inevitability of death itself is just as similar. You cannot avoid it, so you live your life with that thought as something you wish to escape,"

"I thought we decided to not be gloomy,"

"I just can't stop thinking about it,"

Damon placed his hand on Elena's and sighed. Beside them strong wind was hitting colourful leaves against the window. The sky, split between marmalade and indigo shades was beginning to turn dark. The waiter brought their food and drinks. As Damon eagerly consumed his roast dinner, Elena pushed her spinach pasta dish to the side and sipped her dark coffee. Her appetite had disappeared just as rapidly as it had manifested itself.

"Elena, is everything alright?" Damon looked at her, a forkful of food in his hand.

"I feel strange," Her eyes downcast, she tried to give Damon a smile.

"The day started off so well,"

This remark struck Elena as something someone would say about somebody whose mental and emotional state needs to be taken account of. However she could not blame Damon for this, given that her moods were as erratic as the London weather. Her constant flip of emotions was as irritating as it was disturbing, because she could not control it at all.

"I'll get past it," She finally spoke as she pulled the plate of food towards her.

Once they were out of the restaurant and on their way to Elena's apartment, Damon put his arm around her and pulled her close. He kissed the top of her head and breathed in deeply. The air was cool and the wind was cutting, blowing their coats open and sweeping newspapers and paper cups across the street.

"As silly as it sounds, I imagined this day," He spoke quietly.

"In what way?"

"Us, together, just doing these things. That is going somewhere together – the cinema, cafés, restaurants,"

Elena smiled. "Did you really?"

"I didn't think you'd come back to me, so I wanted to imagine what it would be like if it were possible,"

The realisation that this was exactly what she had once done again incited conflicting feelings within Elena's heart. On the one hand she could not believe that Damon even had it in him to say anything as sweet as this, on the other it made her feel like she did not know him at all. There was something beautiful in them being together, but she did not know why they were together at all. Elena remembered a summery night when, after all her ordeals with Damon had already passed, she told her mother that someone like her, who had been searching for love ever since she first learned what the word meant, could not overcome a rejection like the one she had experienced, because it contradicted with everything she had thought love was about.

Yet here she was with the same man years later and she did not know why. The greatness of what she had felt years ago, the sheer power of her emotions, which had overcome all of her principles, every single aspect of her character, was no longer there. She liked Damon, because he was caring, kind and interesting, but it was not the same as before. Therefore she could not understand what she was doing this for. Since Damon she had not been in love with anyone, but there was no guarantee that by returning to him, she would fall in love with him once again. Especially since, just as he had explained, he was a different person now.

"Here we are. Imagination is no longer necessary"

"Here we are," Damon stopped and took her in his arms. He pulled her close to him and placed his lips on hers. He was not passionate or lustful, but rather scared. Elena could feel it from the way he did not want to let her go. They walked to her apartment and once there, Elena said goodnight, before going into the building and looking back once to see Damon still by the door. He waved at her before taking slow steps to his car.

 **II**

The thought did not leave her the following day, or the day after that, or even the day after that. Then Damon called and asked her to go for a drink at the café they had spent their university years at. When she put the phone down, she felt how very immature it was to think that there was a supreme love we were all destined for and that beyond that any relationship was doomed to fail, because relationships do require work and dedication. However, she could not be so rational. When someone has experienced love, or rather obsession, if love is too cliché to describe these feelings, then it is difficult to see anything else as superior to that or even as possible. The day was sunny but brisk, with people tucked into large scarves, streets full of gusts of wind and Elena feeling melancholy overtake her usually comes with the quiet arrival of winter.

Her button nose cold from the wind, her leather jacket closed to the top, which was something that hardly ever occurred, Elena entered the café. She saw Damon by the counter and immediately went up to him.

"Lena, hi!" He kissed her cheek and turned back to the waiter to order his beer. Then he turned back to her again, "Guess who's here!" Damon pointed to a table by one of the windows.

"I thought that you would tell me, when he was in town," Elena said as she looked at Enzo who raised his glass as a greeting.

"I didn't think you'd mind, he's an old friend after all,"

They both ordered their drinks and then went over to Enzo, who smugly stood up and then went up to Elena. He embraced her before saying anything.

"Who would have thought it, Elena! You and Damon together. I guess at long last you trapped this one,"

"Enzo, shut up," Damon said with a laugh as they all sat down.

"But isn't it true?"

"No," Damon put an end to the discussion. It did not however minimise Elena's feelings of awkwardness and embarrassment. Enzo eyed her carefully and she felt unsure of whether he would mention something about what had happened between them, because as far as she knew, he was unpredictable. Then again, perhaps that would make it easier on her, since the truth was bound to come out eventually. What was peculiar was how Elena felt regarding everything that had passed between Enzo and her. She clearly did not like him now, just as much as she did not like him back then, but she felt a pang in her heart, when she realized that the sole reason she had done it for had been to make Damon jealous and he had not even noticed. Just as she thought - she had been invisible to him from a certain point onwards.

"I heard about you becoming a CEO," Elena spoke to avoid fading into the background with all her thoughts, "Congratulations,"

"Thank you. I don't like to brag, but I am the youngest CEO the company's ever had, so that's a good accomplishment,"

"I've already praised you," Damon said.

"Oh, that's fine then. I don't need to make the effort," Enzo laughed and after that quite surprisingly the conversation seemed to take a turn and become rather average. Until Damon left to go to the toilet, because once he was out of sight, Enzo moved closer to Elena and in a low voice said exactly what she did not need to hear.

"So are you really with Damon, or are you still available?"

"Excuse me?"

"What happened between you two? I mean you're suddenly together, after all these years. It just seems quite strange, especially because of what he thought of you back in the day,"

"That was a long time ago,"

"Yes, but. Come on, Elena. Remember what happened between us?" He smiled and placed his hand on hers, "If you ever need to make him jealous again, just remember that I'm still here," He patted her hand and then laughed light-heartedly.

Elena wanted to respond, but he had forced her into a corner. Anything she would say would sound absurd, because he had described the situation just as she saw it. It was slightly pointless. Damon's infatuation could only last so long and after that she could only look forward to the same disappointments she had encountered in the past. While Enzo was being more than an idiot by talking about it so frankly, he understood her concerns more than Damon did, because so far all he had said was that she needs to forget about it all. The past – it follows, and perhaps his attitude is so different from hers because he never experienced it from her point of view. Elena wondered if Damon's heart had ever been broken. Since only once you have been left outside in the cold, harsh truth of rejection you feel how brutal reality can be and how unforgiving feelings truly are.

"I remember and I regret it. Damon doesn't know and I assume that you're aware of that, but if you want to tell him, then go ahead, but I wouldn't see the point in it,"

"Why would I do that? He's a really good friend and I wouldn't want him to get all riled up about something that happened so long ago,"

"You're more reasonable than I thought,"

"That's cute," Enzo said as he placed his hand on her knee. Just then Damon came back, so he quickly pulled it away.

"Have you two been talking about me?"

"In a manner of speaking,"

Damon looked at Enzo curiously, but did not say anything. They continued talking about their lives, the news, Enzo's work between Sweden and here, and his idea of expanding the company into Germany. Everything was alright again yet Elena felt the guilt of knowing how ignorant Damon was. However it seemed rather ironic given how blunt Enzo and she had been back then. It pestered her that he really did not know. Just as these thoughts were passing through her mind Damon stood up again.

"I'm going to get another beer. What can I get you?"

"The same," Enzo said. Elena just shook her head. When Damon was by the bar, Elena raised her eyes from the table and looked at Enzo. He was looking at her with a sly smile and this made her feel disgusting inside.

"What do you want Enzo?"

"It's just funny, that's all,"

"What is?"

"You two," He laughed, "I remember the first time he saw you. You and your friend Caroline were walking into the university building and I told him that I liked the look of her and he told me he preferred you. Then he met you at the café, afterwards looked you up and finally regretted that he had,"

"I find it funnier that you remember all of this,"

"Given how things went down, especially between us, let's just say that it was memorable,"

"Do you feel guilty?"

"Do you?"

Elena looked over at the bar. Damon was still waiting there. He looked over and smiled.

"I do, but it was so long ago. It would be easier if he had found out then,"

"Back then he wouldn't have given a damn. Now he'd kill me," Enzo said and then leaned close to her, "I guess you finally got what you wanted,"

He moved back to his place and looked at Damon, who was coming over with the drinks. Elena thought about what Enzo had said and it was true. She had finally got what she wanted, but there was something very bittersweet in that at this particular moment. A gust of cool wind from the opening door awoke her and she joined in the conversation.

They said their goodbyes around one o'clock at night. Enzo went one way while Damon and Elena went the other, both heading to Elena's apartment. It was cold outside but they were both in a great mood, since the evening had ended on a high note. Through the stories, laughs and smiles Elena had forgotten all about the past and while she was conscious of that, it made her feel calm to know that it was possible in the slightest to leave the past in the background.

…

The room swirled in smoke as Damon and Elena sat on the couch, drank wine and each enjoyed a cigarette. They had gone quiet, because through the course of the evening they had run out of things to say. Damon extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray and moved closer to Elena. He looked into her eyes.

"You make me worry a lot, Elena,"

"Why?"

"I'm afraid that I may lose you," He sighed, "Tonight you were like two different people. One minute you were laughing and the next when I looked over you had become expressionless and when I asked you something the remarks you made really stung,"

"I'm sorry, I didn't even notice,"

"That's exactly what I mean," He kissed her hand as he played with it, "Were you unhappy that Enzo was there?"

"No, not really,"

"That did not sound convincing at all,"

"Really. I was just surprised that he was there, since I thought you'd tell me that. Other than that, I don't have anything against him,"

"Fine, let's leave it at that,"

Elena stood up and started walking towards the door of the living room. She then looked back and asked;

"Are you coming?"

They fell asleep in each other's arms just before the streetlights were turned off, as a soft light could be seen along the horizon.

 **III**

The weekend came along and with it the swift arrival of autumn. Suddenly all the streets were littered with leaves, all of the trees were aflame with colours and the cafés had cleaned the streets of tables and chairs as everyone was now sitting cosily inside. Elena awoke bright and early at eight o'clock on Saturday morning and sipped her black coffee on her small terrace enjoying this transition. The terrace was sacred to autumn, as she rarely used it at any other time. It would be a wonderful day, she knew that, because during the night, when she had been unable to sleep, she had decided that she would finally accept it. It now seemed so easy. A clean slate had somehow appeared as she had placed all of the thoughts which related to the past in a box and sealed it in her mind. Going into her bedroom she sat down on the carpet and sorted through the wine-stained, ash-stained and tear-stained papers she had once written. She found an old blue shoebox and put everything in it, then placed it at the back of her closet. It was no longer needed. At ten o'clock Elena called Damon.

"Good morning!"

"Hello, hello! Someone sounds very happy this morning," Damon said as he yawned.

"I am. I've decided that this should be a day of culture,"

"What does that mean and do I have to participate?"

"That's the whole point,"

"I'm rather worried,"

"Don't be. I just wanted to go a museum and also there is a poetry reading later on in the afternoon in a bookshop quite near my place, so if you'd want to, we could also go to that," Elena bit her lip. She was nervous about asking him this, because she was still fearful that through anything she did, she may yet lose him. However this was her first attempt to overcome her fears.

"That sounds fun," She could see his smile, "Where are we meeting?"

Elena named the museum and they arranged to meet there in an hour.

…

At the given time, Elena stood in the custard sunshine on the steps of the museum. She saw Damon coming along the street and admired how confident he looked while doing it. If she could have his confidence then everything would seem much easier, she thought.

"I'm glad you got me out of the house, it's a beautiful day," He said as he hugged and kissed Elena, with his arms wrapped around her.

"I'm glad about that too,"

"Shall we?" He raised his eyebrow and gave her his little half-smile, making her feel warm and blushing inside.

The museum overtook them with colours and powerful images, as they wandered through the corridors, by each other's side. Damon carried his leather jacket and her coat and came up to her whenever he saw something that had caught his interest and which he wanted to show her. Time passed quickly as there was so much to see and so it was already lunchtime when they encountered sunlight again back on the stone staircase.

"What do we want to do now? What time is the reading?"

"Get something to eat, I suppose. The reading is at six,"

"Let's go and look for something along the way,"

"Oh, I have an idea," Elena smiled and laughed.

"Lead the way then," Damon put his arm around her and kissed her lips with a smooch.

They walked towards the river, encountering more and more wind along the way. As they arrived on the bank, Elena went towards a food stand, where they sold crêpes. They purchased one each with chocolate cream on the inside and went to sit on the cobblestone bank beside the water. The wind was not bothersome and the sunshine warmed them now that they were out in the open. They munched on their pastries and looked at the ducks floating by in the sea green water. It was a good day and so far it had gone just as Elena had imagined it.

"What type of poetry will be read at the event?"

"All it said was poetry about the approach of World War II, but apparently not from a military or political viewpoint, but rather a human one, feelings of impending doom and such,"

"That sounds cheerful," Damon smiled, "Then again, I'm sure it will be interesting,"

"Supposedly it will all be poetry from unknown authors, so from people who wrote about what they were feeling, because they needed an outlet and never had the chance to publish it," Elena finished her crêpe and said, "I feel like an informative booklet, because I am literally telling you everything that was written on the poster for the event. Honestly I'm not really sure what we're in for,"

They sat there for a while, as Damon asked her what Elena liked to read and she went on for a rather long explication of all the authors and genres she enjoyed. He then admitted that while he did not read as much he would like to, he was looking for books to read and had in this last year finally learned to associate reading with pleasure rather than seeing it as chore. Finally just as the clock struck half past five, they headed to the bookshop.

…

The air smelt of books and wine. There were some people there already, but Damon and Elena manged to find good seats. Damon bought them two glasses of red wine while Elena browsed through the books which were next to her. The poetry was read by two young, aspiring authors who read it well – clearly and with a trace of true emotion. There was something extremely beautiful in this setting, Elena thought, as she looked around her. People were listening intently, including Damon, whose eyes were fixed on the speakers, while the warm light of an old chandelier illuminated the room. Almost everyone had a glass of wine in their hand and many people were holding the little emerald book of poems in their hands. When the reading was over and some questions had been asked and answered, Elena bought this collection of poems and they then walked back slowly to her place, discussing what they had just heard. Fear, despair, love and family but most of all life had resided in these poems and it struck a chord, because Elena had seen this day as her attempt at learning to live again. Holding Damon's hand, she squeezed it gently and kissed him on his cheek as they stopped at a corner. At that moment, she knew that she had succeeded.

* * *

 _N.B._ I'm sorry that I haven't uploaded anything for quite a while. It was not only due to university work, but also because I was very unsure of what I wanted to do with the story. I seem to have finally decided. I think that the uncertainty may even be present in this chapter, but that should now change. Sincerely, Martina.


	9. Reverse of Shade

_**Reverse of Shade**_

 **I**

"Zip me up, please," Elena said as she raised her hair above the zipper of her dress. Damon came up to her and after placing a kiss on her neck, closed her dress.

"I wish I could spend the day with you, but I really have to work today,"

"That's perfectly fine, I understand,"

"Could we meet for lunch though?"

"Of course. Around noon?"

"Yes, I'll call you. I have to run now," Elena turned towards him and kissed both of his cheeks before kissing his lips.

"Until later, then," They both smiled at each other.

Elena sat by herself in the kitchen and flipped through a recipe book. It was a complete waste of time, since she never made anything according to recipes anyway. Her mind had to be kept occupied so she began making an apple crumble. The apples sliced perfectly, the oats, the flour, the sugar, the cinnamon - all of it melded to set off a wave of pleasant autumnal scents in her apartment. However while it was cooking she had to wait. It was still early in the morning, just before ten o'clock and she could not wait to see Damon again. Without her knowing it she was falling straight back into the cobweb of the past. The day before when she had so seriously decided that she would let herself live again, forgetting about the past and her resentment towards Damon, had succeeded, but only as far as she had tricked herself. The stages of acceptance of an event one must go through do exist and Elena was swimming in the marshmallow soft land of denial. Then again so far she had enjoyed every second of it and was convinced that she was by no means a time bomb, waiting to explode just when it would be the most inconvenient. The timer on the oven moved along slowly, as Elena made coffee and watched the news, but her anxiousness was only matched by her dread of something going wrong. The timer went off and the phone rang at the same time. Elena rushed towards the latter.

"Hello?"

"Elena hi, could we meet at half past twelve at the post office?"

"Yes, sure,"

"See you then," He hung up.

After the swiftest conversation she had ever had, she rushed into the kitchen, where she took out the crumble. It sparkled in the colours of amber and rust, but Elena had somewhat lost her appetite. She thought it was because of her happiness and her anticipation to see Damon, but it may have been quite the opposite. She spent her remaining time at home getting ready to go out and rearranging the most miniscule things in her rooms, from moving a book from one shelf to another to changing the order of her hangers in the closet, she had exhausted her list of ideas of how to keep herself occupied. While many people yearn to fall in love simply to experience this feeling of butterflies, anxiousness and naïve cheerfulness, what they do not know is that this feeling can slowly kill any other sentiment for anything else. Elena proved that in her past when her feelings turned into an obsession which corrupted everything in her life, yet her present self whilst in denial was happily truing to forget this aspect of what might be called love.

…

At twelve thirty Elena stood by the post office, dressed in black but with ruby red gloves and scarf. She felt the freshness of the air caress her face and this reminded her of the clean sensation of winter, which was not far away. While she waited many people passed her by, many men, who each gave her a look which indicated their interest, but Elena could not even think to look at them. They did not measure up to what Damon was in her eyes, which was in a sense an illusion of fulfilment. When she saw him coming towards her, crossing the bus line and pavement, her heart leaped from pleasure and she blushed.

"Hello, sunshine," He embraced her and they stood for a while looking at each other. Elena suddenly lost for words and Damon simply admiring Elena in his arms, "Let's go for a walk,"

They stopped by a sandwich shop along their way and picked up two Reuben's and coffees. Led by Damon they walked the streets until finally Elena realised that he was taking her to a park. A park she knew all too well, because at one point in her life she had visited it constantly. As they entered it from one side the path was enveloped in a sea of bright scarlet, grapefruit and shamrock coloured trees. The ground was damp and slippery with leaves, the paths empty, because the day was cold, but there was a soft fog which hovered in the distance, which they were approaching. Elena wished that Damon would not take her there, but it soon became apparent that he would. Since she had met him in the café her entire life had been a trip down memory lane, not merely because of his overwhelming presence, but because of all the places she had avoided for years. They arrived at a viewpoint, which overlooked the park that continued below and as Damon set their lunch on the bench, Elena went to the railing. She looked at the sea of fiery colours and flocks of birds that were running away, and wished she was anywhere but there. This place, this exact spot, had been the park where she had come in the mornings, just before her classes, coffee in hand to think about Damon. It had been her inspiration at the time when she still thought that all would be well and that he liked her back. She had thought of their conversation of the night before, if he had called her and had listened to music, which made her heart beat slightly faster in the hope that she had finally found the one person, she had always been looking for.

Damon came up to her and put his hands on the railing across her sides.

"It's beautiful isn't it? I had completely forgotten about this place,"

"It is. This place has rather sentimental value in my memories,"

"Why?" Elena remained silent, so Damon went on, "Elena, ever since I met you again I've been feeling quite uneasy, because I'm afraid you're lonely. You've never told me that you're meeting either your friends or your family,"

"I'm not lonely. I have me,"

Damon laughed slightly.

"I'm not joking. Also, honestly, I've been avoiding my friends, because they are inquisitive and I am very prone to spilling out my feelings, and I was unsure of whether I wanted to tell them about this,"

"I suppose they don't like me?"

"It's not even that. I'm sure that they would like you, if they met you, because it's not as though they should feel any resentment towards you, simply because I did. I was unsure because I don't know what I feel,"

"Oh, come on, Elena, not again. This Jekyll and Hyde stuff has to end. Yesterday you were so happy,"

"That's just it, Damon. I was making myself feel that way and it felt amazing, but I cannot pretend constantly. Frankly, I have not felt happy in the least for a very long time and it will take a lot longer than one day to reverse this state of mind. And if you're too impatient, then that's fine,"

"What does that mean?"

"Just tell me, once and for all. Tell me the entire story from the beginning, so that I would know. Because I know that what you've told me so far is not all of it. And I know that some people think that the truth is not necessary or that it does more harm than good, but I need it. I've been waiting for it for so long,"

Their coffees became cold, the sandwiches sat on the edge of the bench, while Damon talked and a very distraught Elena listened.

"Fine, I'll tell you as much as I can remember, because you asked me, but don't blame me if this is not what you want to hear," He thought for a while and then began, "So we met at the café that time, and there the story is simple. I saw you and you looked familiar. I realised I had seen you somewhere before, and I thought that it was perhaps a sign that I should go and talk to you. And I did. Afterwards I found out from some people from your course, that you lived in my building just on a different floor, so I thought that it was another sign and I wondered into your kitchen on purpose. From then on the phone conversations and all, I was genuinely interested in you, but. At the same time I really liked a girl, who I knew from back home, who also studied at our university. She had never really paid attention to me, but it seemed as though from the moment I came into contact with you, she began to talk to me. I was thrilled of course and that's when I decided that I would keep you as a friend and try to form a relationship with her. That's when I began to regret ever having looked you up, since I did realise that you did not see things the way I did. That's why I felt guilty for not wanting to meet you, but when I finally did give in, I understood that it was too late. That's when I tried to call you less and appear more disinterested. Not to say that it was easy, given the fact that you were gorgeous and interesting, but old feelings die hard,"

Elena smiled though she felt slightly teared up.

"Then came all those university events. Basically just before I met you at the first one, she had turned me down. So I acted out and that's when we kissed and almost, well, but I couldn't both because of the alcohol and also because I really wasn't in the mood. After that I was convinced that before I ruined any chance with her, I needed to make sure there was nothing between us, so I pushed you away even more, ignoring you, not showing anything interest. Then that was it, I told you that I did not want a relationship and was a jerk, which seems to have worked in making you hate me,"

"I don't hate you, I never did," Elena said with a sigh, "What was her name?"

"Katherine,"

"Where is she now?"

"I have no idea. Let's just say that things did not end well between us. She turned me down so many times, that I began to resent her,"

"So your heart has been broken?"

"Yes, I suppose it has. But once I stopped seeing her, I forgot about her and she has not haunted me since, whereas with you, Elena, I feel like I am still the same jerk as I was then, because you only see the past,"

"And when we met again, why did you look me up?"

"Because I instantly felt for you what I had felt back then before Katherine became involved, and I felt that you still resented me, which drove me crazy. I knew that I had acted horribly and I wanted to rectify it, before actually realising that what drew me to you was more than simply that,"

"Damon, I need to tell you something,"

"I think that if there is ever time for honesty, it's now,"

"Enzo and I, we, well we did something,"

"What? When?"

"On one of the university drinking nights. He was feeling just as miserable as I was and we used each other. I wanted to make you jealous, but obviously it was a pathetic decision,"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me before he came here,"

"What was I supposed to do? Tell you at the table, with him there? You did not warn me,"

"What an idiot. He's basically a serial womanizer. At the beginning I told him that you were off-limits and he responded, by saying that he didn't like you anyway, but I suppose that wasn't true,"

"It wasn't as serious as that. It was just a moment of giving in to something,"

"But still,"

"That's in the past,"

"That's the first time I've heard you say that to me," Damon chuckled.

"True, and it's the first time I actually believe. Or at least, that's how I feel now," Damon stood up and held out his hand, Elena placed hers in his and he pulled her close. Pushed against the railing she felt him against her, his warmth radiating towards her body, as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her eagerly. The butterflies in her stomach were now galloping horses, as she placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him as close as she could. Years ago, when she had been there, she had thought of a moment like this, perhaps not with the exact same setting, the same emotions, but the idea was the same and she appreciated it immensely. Love makes fools of us all, but once one gives up on the idealistic nature of it, there is not much else left.

"Only a few hours without you and I feel like I've lost my mind," He whispered in her ear.

"Or rather a few moments with me and I've driven you mad,"

"We all need a little madness in our lives,"

Elena smiled and hugged him more strongly.

"It doesn't matter does it?" He asked, "The past, that is,"

"No, it doesn't. But I cannot even begin to explain how much I needed to hear it. It all makes sense,"

"I'm glad I told you, never thought I'd say that, considering that when I met you again, I swore to myself that I wouldn't tell you about Katherine at all. That took a load off of my heart,"

Elena did not say it, but she could not fully comprehend herself how true it was for her as well. She did feel silly for not realising there may have been someone else, but it did not matter. It all seemed so far away, a nightmare in a land far and away.

"Can I come by tonight?"

"I just about to invite you over, so yes," He kissed her lips and touched her nose, before she put her arm through his elbow, and they walked towards the centre again. They parted and Elena went home still feeling the anxiousness she had felt in the morning, but it had changed to something quite different. The centre was grey and foggy, people shaking from the cold at the bus stops and steam rising from coffee cups people were carrying, but Elena waltzed through the crowd delighting in the cold, because it calmed the boiling blood rushing through her veins.

 **II**

The melody of Sinatra's ' _Christmas Dreaming_ ' filled the rooms of Elena's apartment, with candles lit in the living room as Elena sat and wrote her article under a snug little blanket. The strange joy she felt had manifested itself in a yearning for Christmas and all that came with it. After having worked on the piece for about three hours, she put a stop to it, just as Damon rang the doorbell. Elena opened the door quite unprepared, still in her magnolia coloured cotton robe, plain faced and with only just dry hair.

"Well, hello," Damon smirked, as Elena let him in, closing her robe more tightly.

"I'm sorry for the state I'm in,"

"You shouldn't be, it suits you immensely," He pulled her close placing his hands on the small of her back, before moving them lower. Elena kissed him restlessly and it was a moment before they could both let go.

Elena recovered herself and made Damon give her his coat and bag. After putting it away, she already found Damon in the kitchen.

"How hungry are you?"

"Not really, but something smells incredible,"

"Apple crumble and coffee?"

"Yes, please. Oh, I completely forgot," He came back with his bag and took out three boxes of chocolate, each a different colour, "I wanted to bring you something nice and I thought I couldn't go wrong with chocolate. Comfort food and all, after our day,"

Elena placed her arms around his neck, "Would never have believed that you could be such a romantic,"

"Hey, no need to call me names now,"

"Thank you," She placed her forehead against his and then gave him a peck on the cheek.

They sat on the floor of the living room beside the table and had their supper. The coffee was strong and dark, the crumble was baked and served with nostalgia and they both felt their stress melting away, while in the background The Who's ' _Love, Reign O'er Me'_ was setting the mood.

"The Who?" Damon smiled.

"Yes, why?"

"I thought you preferred the Beatles,"

"I still do, but I'm open minded. I am in a musical rut though, since my tastes have not changed in years,"

"Tina Turner?"

"Let's not mention it. She's still fabulous,"

"You're a strange one,"

"Yes, but isn't that exciting?"

"I can't even explain how very much,"

"You know who else is rather kooky?"

"I have absolutely no chance of guessing this,"

"Woody Allen. Are you in the mood for a movie?"

"Yes, I actually am. I think that's exactly what I need,"

While _Small Time Crooks_ was on the screen they cozied up next to each other and watched the film without a care in the world. Both were exhausted from a day of work and of emotional revelations. This end of the day was however incredibly normal which is something that Elena had wanted and Damon had strongly yearned for. Elena's reasons for this are clear, but for Damon it was his experience with Katherine that had damaged his trust and Elena's flightiness, while understandable, had troubled him immensely, since he had begun to think that he was doomed to repeat the same heart-wrenching journey again. In the evening there is a feeling and it had made romantics of them both, their hands held together as they laughed and talked their way through an easy-going film, munched on chocolates and enjoyed each other's company without a dark cloud of unpleasant memories over their heads.


	10. Where Goes the Night

_**Where Goes the Night**_

 **I**

Everything beyond the window was dark grey and obscure as Damon opened his eyes just after six in the morning. He heard Elena breathe slowly next to him. As she exhaled, he could see her breath. Damon got out of bed and turned on the heating, which Elena had forgotten to do the night before. He picked up their clothes from the floor, put on his shirt and put the rest of them on the chair beside her table. Quietly he went to the kitchen, closing all the doors behind him.

The air was cold and not entirely comforting, but Damon had taken it upon himself to make breakfast and so do something nice for Elena. He found a French press hidden away in a cupboard, gathered together everything he needed for crêpes and got to work. After half an hour all was done, but he realised he had ambitiously prepared everything at a far too an early hour. Leaving the coffee to brew and covering the crêpes with the lid of the pan he cautiously went back to the bedroom and got into bed. Lying beside Elena under the blanket, his eyes fixed on her face, he gently stroked her side, from her hip along her thigh. This seemingly innocent action woke her up, and as she opened her eyes she immediately smiled upon seeing Damon.

"Good morning,"

"Morning, sunshine," He said as he gave her a kiss.

"I made breakfast,"

"Really? That's so sweet," Elena placed her hand on his cheek and stroked it lightly, "I would get up and go to the kitchen, but it's so frightfully cold,"

"We can eat in the living room, under a blanket,"

"Excellent idea,"

They got up and carried everything into the living room, where they were obliged to switch on some lamps, as it was still dark, and Elena turned on the radio, a ritual she could not escape. They ate their breakfast rather quietly only interrupted by Damon's laughter as he saw how Elena drowned her food in maple syrup.

"Don't even. We all have our weaknesses,"

"I can see that,"

"On that subject, Halloween is coming up soon,"

"Are you one of the people who insists on celebrating it?"

"Maybe," Elena smiled "There's something very beautiful about it. If done properly,"

"Please elaborate,"

"I prefer it when people make the effort to make their costumes or parties as frightening as possible. People do feed off fear in a way. I suppose that's why many people enjoy horror movies, since the adrenaline rush they get is so pleasant. I just think that there is something tragically wonderful in something truly spooky or gothically creepy,"

"Again, you surprise me. I've never really celebrated it, since in Sweden it's really not a holiday,"

"The French are not really Halloween enthusiasts either, but I'm just morbidly interested in the concept I suppose. I've always been attracted to cemeteries as well. In Paris one of my favourite spots has to be the Père-Lachaise cemetery. Or the Catacombs,"

"Now I'm really worried," Damon laughed nervously.

"If you ever decide to visit Paris, then you'll see what I mean,"

"Good point, I can't really have an opinion without having been there," The idea immediately consumed Damon.

They took their coffee cups and huddled under the duvet, pressed closely together side by side. Damon put his arm around Elena as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"So have you already planned anything for Halloween?" Damon asked.

"No, I rarely plan, as you'll notice soon enough,"

"Interesting. Why?"

"The future scares me. So I prefer to leave it very vague and uncertain,"

"I actually know what you mean, since I had planned my life out before I had a near nervous breakdown regarding my choices,"

"Exactly. Striving for a very defined goal can actually be bad for some people. For others, it's what keeps them going,"

Damon stroked her hair and thought about what she had said. His nervous breakdown had coincided with Katherine's refusal to be with him, and at that time he had been certain that his future held a certain career path as well as Katherine as the love of his life. Now he was glad that he had moved away from this vision, because he could not imagine being without Elena. Despite being different compared to how she was a few years ago, she still had the one quality which he had wanted Katherine to have, which was vulnerability. Not because he wanted to abuse it, but because it made her human. Whereas Katherine had the character of a psychopath, having no regard for the emotions of others, because she felt that she was superior to everyone else, therefore she never doubted herself. From the moment he had seen Elena again, it was what had attracted him, since he felt her reluctance to play the game with him as Katherine would have. It had made her all the more appealing and desirable.

"What are you thinking about?" Elena turned to him.

"Nothing too important,"

"I don't believe that for a second. I can tell by the look in your eyes," She said as she kissed his forehead, before taking all the dishes to the kitchen. Damon followed her and watched her as she stood by the sink, raising her arms to put her hair up into a ponytail, thereby raising her nightshirt exposing her behind. He walked up to her and pulled her close to him, moving his hands over her stomach and breasts. The kitchen was dark except for the small light above the stove, so it felt like the still of the night, except for the faint sound of the radio announcing the morning news. Damon placed Elena on the table and as she lay back, he opened her shirt button by button before throwing his own shirt away. He stroked her thighs before raising her up by her back to kiss her, his hands holding onto her through her stream of chocolate hair.

"God, Elena, I want you so much," She bit his neck and kissed him, as he whispered into her ear, "You have no idea what you're doing to me,"

"I think I do," She pulled him closer to her and let him enter her. They moved slowly but their bodies were steamy from sweat in the cold setting of the kitchen. Elena could feel herself begin to shake lightly from the pleasure and before too long both she and Damon fell onto the table in both exhaustion and satisfaction.

"There goes my energy for the day," Damon said as he kissed her and then passed her the rumpled shirt.

"It was worth it though. And a lack of energy is not something that a cup of coffee won't cure," After thinking about it for a while, Elena said, "But it's Saturday,"

"That doesn't mean there are not things to be done," Damon sighed, "I've been so damn secretive about this, that I feel bad. My brother will be in town for the weekend, so I'm going to show him around. And I have to pick him up from the train station in two hours,"

"Oh, alright, have a nice time,"

Even though there had not been a trace of disappointment in Elena's voice, Damon felt miserable.

"Would you like to join us in the evening?"

"If you're feeling guilty about not telling me, don't. I understand. He's in town just for two days. And also we haven't exactly been going out for a long time,"

"It's not that, really. I want you to join us," He embraced her and looked into her eyes pleadingly. Elena felt unable to refuse his pools of husky blue, so she agreed to meet them for dinner. Damon took a shower, dressed and after saying goodbye was out the door. The bubble he had wanted to keep Elena and himself in was bound to burst and why not start with Stefan, he thought.

 **II**

Damon waited at the door but he saw the board on which next to Stefan's train the word 'Arrived' flashed slowly. Anticipation mixed with regret overtook Damon as he was more worried about Elena than Stefan's visit, because he could not give up the thought that he wanted to keep her to himself. Strangely he had not had this problem with Enzo, perhaps because he was also part of their past, unfortunately as he now knew in a way which was completely contrary to what he had imagined.

"Brother!" Stefan said as he embraced Damon.

"Stefan, hey,"

"You were staring right through me, as I came up to you. Are you alright?"

"Yes, just slightly preoccupied,"

Damon took Stefan to his apartment where he left his suitcase and where they caught up on the formalities. It looked like Stefan was glad to see his older brother and this made Damon happy, given that they had not had the best relationship for a long time. Only when Damon moved away had they really bonded, then Stefan had moved to Australia so now these rare visits only strengthened their relations. The last time Stefan had visited however had been when Damon was still somewhat involved with Katherine and had introduced the two, without revealing his embarrassing efforts to win her over. Damon was trying to shake the unfortunate memories from that last trip and was instead trying to think of what the two of them could do for the day. Damon called up Elena and told her to meet them in a pub called the _'Thirsty Mad Cat_ ' at seven, so they had a lot of time to fill up with activities. After two museums, plenty of outdoor tourist sites and walking kilometres across the city, Stefan was in no mood for more movement, so they arrived at the pub early and got to drinking. After a few pints, both were loose and chatting away, so Damon told Stefan about Elena, leaving their past quite vague, only mentioning that they knew each other at university. Before long Damon saw Elena walk through the door, her eyes wandering around the room restlessly, her body wrapped in a long forest green trench coat. At that moment she was the embodiment of beauty in his eyes.

"Elena," He called out, feeling his voice choke slightly. Damon had no idea why he was permitting this introduction.

"Hi," She smiled and he could see the flush in her cheeks.

"This is my brother Stefan," Stefan stood up and smiled before looking back at Damon, "And this is Elena,"

"It's nice to meet you,"

"Likewise, I've heard a lot about you,"

"All good things I hope," Stefan said as they all sat down.

"Certainly. Damon shared his childhood stories of how the two of you played video games and bonded over that for hours on end. I had a very similar experience with my own brother,"

"Good times. I wish that now life would be so simple that you could stay at home and think about nothing but the screen before you,"

"Don't we still do that though? Mostly all we do is stare at a computer, in any job really,"

"True. But it requires more thinking, than shooting down zombies in an apocalyptic world,"

"Don't belittle the effort it required to play those games," Damon chimed in.

"Elena, what would you like to drink?" Stefan asked.

"A glass of Jack on the rocks, please,"

"Damon?"

"The same,"

He smiled and then got up, leaving the pair alone.

"This seems to be going well," Damon whispered as he kissed her neck.

"It does. I would like to make a good impression. Damon, are you drunk?"

"Maybe, we both may have been here for quite a while,"

"We should really have some dinner, to sober you up. Then again this might be quite entertaining as is,"

When Stefan returned they all started browsing the menus and both of the inebriated men went for a full roast dinner, while Elena chose lasagne. Time flew as they waited for their food and Stefan amused Elena with embarrassing stories of Damon, as he seemed to have lost any inhibitions. Damon meanwhile laughed through it, but held his hand over his ears a few times. The trio were thoroughly enjoying themselves in the atmosphere of the little family pub over their meals and drinks, in the dim light of a candle that was dripping down and with a strong gale outside. They stayed there for a while, before deciding to go for a walk after which they would go home. Elena and Stefan, dressed and ready, were already outside as they waited for Damon, who had gone to the bathroom. Stefan breathed in deeply and turned to Elena with a smile.

"It's funny, even at the beginning of the evening I thought I'd seen you somewhere. Then I realized that you look very similar to another one of Damon's university friends, so for a moment there I thought that he had already introduced us. If I hadn't fallen for her when I was over and for that reason remembered her name, I could have sworn that you were her,"

"Really? That's quite peculiar,"

"I know," He yawned, "Ī do have to say that you're much lovelier than her though. But we all have that one bitch in our lives,"

Elena felt a disconcerting feeling grow within her and so she had to ask the question, she dreaded to ask.

"What was her name?"

"Katherine. Let's just say that a fling has never been so terrible. I have no idea why Damon was friends with her in the first place,"

"Are you sure that they were just friends?"

"Well he never really specified, but that's what she told me," Stefan looked at Elena, "They weren't just friends?"

Elena shook her head, feeling the awkwardness begin to overtake her. Just then Damon walked out the door of the pub and after putting his arms around the two of them, pushed them forward.

"Let's walk through the city! It's such a fine night,"

Their walk was relatively short, because as the alcohol stopped coursing through their veins and the cosiness of the pub had been left behind, they began to feel the cool air nip at their noses and freeze their hands. Elena walked them both to the bus station, since it was on her way home, and when she and Damon parted she felt surprisingly calm, but she knew that something was not quite as it should be, and that the real wave of what she had just learnt would pass over her soon enough. As Damon and Stefan waited for the bus home, Damon added the finishing touches to the idea he had formed in his mind, before Stefan spoke.

"I like her. She's quite mysterious. I can see why you're intrigued by her,"

"It's more than that. I think I love her,"

"Have you told her that?"

"No, not in so many words,"

"Why?"

"I'm worried she might run away,"

"I'd say you have nothing be worried about,"

"Trust me, with her you never know," Before a pause, Damon asked, "What were you two talking about outside?"

"Nothing much. I just mentioned that she reminded me of someone I had seen before," Stefan said while biting his lip.

"You didn't," Damon's eyes portrayed dismay, "You did. Goddamn it, now she'll be certain that that's the only reason I was attracted to her. You have no idea how complicated her mind is and how easily everything can become complete chaos,"

"I'm sorry, Damon. I just never thought that you and Katherine had something, since you never told me, so I didn't exactly think that I was talking about your ex-girlfriend to your current girlfriend,"

"It's fine, you didn't know. I think that life is just forcing me to be completely honest these days. It's hard work,"

"You want to go after her now, right?"

"Yes. Will you be alright?"

"I know how to get to your place, it's fine. I'll see you tomorrow before I leave," Damon smiled and began walking in the direction of Elena's apartment.

 **III**

Even in the staircase Damon could smell something wintry and he immediately knew that it would be coming from Elena's apartment. She awaited him at the door.

"What are you doing here, Damon?"

"Stefan told me what he told you,"

Elena left the door open as she walked towards the kitchen.

"Mulled wine? I thought that it would be a nice excuse to get drunk,"

"Elena, please, please don't think what you're thinking,"

"Do you realize what you just said?"

"Yes. It's really more complicated than it seems. Yes, you two do look similar, but it has nothing to do with how I feel about you. You're so much more than your looks,"

"Damon, it's actually fine. I thought about it and while my first thought was a very strong revulsion to the idea that I might be your rebound from Katherine, I then realized that I don't care, because it's in the past,"

"You don't?"

"I don't. I'm so tired of worrying about the past. We're fine now, so I can't question everything again,"

"I think I'll never be able to figure you out," He said as he slowly approached her.

"Isn't that what it's all about?"

"Perhaps," And before he knew it, Damon said, "I love you,"

Elena pulled back slightly.

"This," She looked for words, "Now I don't know what to think. Are you saying this … no, but why would you?"

"I'm saying this because I actually feel that way and I wanted to tell you that this morning, but I'm glad I didn't. The evening is much more appropriate," He placed his hands on her hips and moved towards her.

"I," Elena found the remains of the courage she had left despite all the times she had felt broken and betrayed, and said what she had thought years ago, "I love you too," Damon kissed her lips tenderly and she felt it rush through her powerfully, making the elephants at the pit of her stomach dance again.

"Isn't that something to celebrate?"

"Yes. Wine?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a trip to Paris, since you spoke of it so reminiscently today,"

"Damon, but we both have work,"

"And we both have at least a few days of vacation and a weekend to spare,"

"Halloween,"

"Something about Halloween and the Catacombs just sounds right,"

Elena placed her hands on his cheeks and staring into his eyes kissed him.

"Yes, it does,"

 ** _THE END_**


End file.
